The Weiner-Holder Ticket Gets Obama Excited - A Fractured Fairy Tale
By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Last time, Obama and his speshul-weshul guy Kal
Penn were flying to Saudi Arabia so he could perform
the Hajj when the secret service broke the news that
Anthony Weiner is running for president in 2016 and
has chosen Eric Holder for his running mate.
Obama is overjoyed. He tells Kal, “Hey, the
Weiner-Holder ticket is just what I was hoping for.
To change the subject. It’s been hard to do that,
though. Even MSNBC News is jumping on the bandwagon.
They’re saying I’m so incompetent, I can’t even tie
my shoe laces.”
Kal: Yeah, Barry, you’re so screwed up, your
PR people have
even stopped trying to cover up
your mistakes. You make
so many
mistakes,
so often, they’re
trying to hope and change the subject.
Barry: Hope and change. That sure sounds
familiar. What are my PR people doing, anyway?
Kal: They’re calling you the best job creator
in the history of the US.
Barry: Huh?
Kal: Yeah, their latest PR campaign is saying
that your
mistakes
make more work for everybody else in the White
House. That means
you’re really a job creator!
Your stupid mistakes have created more jobs than any other
president in history!
Barry: Oh, yeah, I seem to remember that. They
started that campaign when Michelle and the two kids
were at the Ocean Reef Club with me in the Florida
Keys during spring break. Gee, that wasn’t a break
at all—Michelle is so obnoxious! Biden wanted to
vacation with me, but I can’t stand the guy. So he
went to the Virgin Islands with his wife instead.
Kal: Why didn’t you stay in the White House
during spring break? Russia was invading the
Ukraine.
Barry: The Ukraine? Where’s that?
Kal: Forget it. Hey, I’m wondering something.
While you were at the Ocean Reef Club in the Florida
Keys, I heard you wanted Alan Grayson to play golf
with you. He never showed up, though. What’s the
story?
Barry: Yeah, I remember Grayson. He’s the
congressman who said the Republican healthcare plan
was simple—if you get sick, die quickly. Maybe I
should have invited him. He and I have a lot in
common—wife problems. I hear he’s being sued by his
wife Lolita. He pushed her hard, against the door.
She fell down, got up, kneed him in the stomach, and
punched him in the face. Now, he’s even uglier than
before. Reminds me of the arguments Michelle and I
had when she first found out I was gay.
Kal: Let’s get back to Joe Biden. Why did you
pick him as your VP candidate not once, but twice?
Barry: Because Clueless Joe is so stupid, he
makes even me look good by comparison.
Hell, before he became a politician, he worked
in a bank. He got fired for stealing. Stealing pens!
Besides, I really like to kick him around. I
give him all the shitty jobs I don’t want to do.
I’ve been doing that ever since he announced his
approval of gay marriage before I did. I’m the gay
guy, not him. He should have let me
come out first.
Kal: So what are you gonna say about the
Weiner-Holder ticket?
Barry: I think I’ll ask the ad agency of Spirit
Airlines for advice.
Kal: Why?
Barry: Don’t you remember? Last summer, the
very next day after Carlos Danger was caught sending
photos of his wiener to another girl, Spirit
Airlines ran an ad on its website featuring Weiner
as a masked hot dog holding a cell phone. I remember
the campaign—it featured Carlos Danger in something
called “The Weiner Rises Again.” It promoted $24
discounts on its flights to Mexico.
Kal: Well, the Weiner-Holder announcement might
get the news media talking about something besides
your incompetence.
Barry: That’s not enough.
To take people’s minds off the crappy
job I’ve been doing as president, we need a good sex
scandal.
Kal:
What about Bill Clinton? He’s usually up for that.
Barry:
He’s not up that much anymore.
Kal:
Why not?
Barry:
Well, he had quadruple bypass surgery for his heart and lung surgery in
2004. He’s so medicated, he can’t get it up anymore.
No, he’s old news.
Kal:
I guess that’s why he’s so grouchy with the news media these days. I guess
he really misses those threesomes with Monica, Paula
Jones, Gennifer Flowers, Markie Post, Elizabeth
Hurley, Sharon Stone, Juanita Broaddrick, and his
other bimbos.
Barry:
Hey, I remember Broaddrick. I heard she was raped by Clinton in the late
1970s when he was Arkansas Attorney General. She’s
the one who says he bit her lips so hard, he nearly
cut them in half.
Kal:
Didn’t he give Paula Jones $850,000 to keep her mouth shut?
Barry:
Hell, Clinton liked her with her mouth
open. But, yeah. She dropped her sexual harassment charges
against him after she got the money.
Eventually, Obama decides to call Bill Clinton
and ask him to help out with a sex scandal. What did
they say? The answer is in a future Fractured
Fairy Tale.
Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Jay Levinson recently passed away. He specifically chose Don to be his final co-author—the person most qualified to carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into the 21st century. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.