President Obie
By Daniel Greenfield
SultanKnish.Blogspot.com
In 1967, folk singer Arlo Guthrie played a song
on a left-wing New York City radio station that was
supposed to sum up the cultural difference between
the culture and the counterculture.
On
one side of the moral equation in Alice’s Restaurant
you had Officer Obie and the nameless army officers
who were rulebound fascists and on the other side
you had the easygoing hippies who believed in
community, hanging out and letting things slide.
Culture would drag you into court for littering with
twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy photographs
as evidence while counterculture would shrug and
invite you to dinner.
Culture was bureaucratically and violently absurd.
Counterculture was humanely lovingly absurd.
That's still the image that the left likes to wear
like an old pair of jeans. It's still just a bunch
of easygoing fellows out to build community and take
on Officer Obie’s senseless repressive rules. But
then the counterculture became the culture and the
left became Officer Obie.
Or President Obie.
If there's anyone who's going to drag you into court
with twenty seven eight-by-ten color glossy
photographs as proof; it's going to be the Officer
Obies of the EPA. Except that a straightforward
thing like littering would be much too sensible for
environmental enforcement groups to bother with.
They're more likely to arrest you for
collecting rainwater on your own property,
making a guitar out of unfinished wood or
cleaning up trash from your own property.
EPA Administrator
Al Armendariaz, whose fiefdom included five
states, told staffers that his philosophy of
enforcement was borrowed from the Romans."They’d go
in to a little Turkish town somewhere, they’d find
the first five guys they saw and they’d crucify
them."
Compared to the Officer Obies of the ruling
counterculture, the original model seems like a
humanitarian and the soul of reason. If you ran
afoul of Officer Armendariz, or Caesar Armendariz as
he liked to be called, you would be very lucky to
come away with nothing more than a twenty-five
dollar fine and a few hours in jail.
A mere two decades after Arlo Guthrie began singing
about being arrested on Thanksgiving for littering
by Officer Obie, John Pozsgai was sentenced to three
years in jail for “discharging pollutants into
waters of the United States"
for the crime of adding topsoil to his land.
And you can be sure that the evidence for the legal
case which went on in varying forms for twenty years
consisted of a lot more than a mere twenty seven
eight-by-ten color glossy photographs with a
paragraph of text on the back.
There's a folk song in there alright, but it's not
one that a liberal would listen to because every
progressive who grins when hearing Arlo joke about a
federal case being made out of throwing some garbage
off a cliff would want to hang him in real life.
Bill Ellen, a Vietnam veteran and conservationist
who ran a shelter for injured wildlife,
spent six months in jail for making duck ponds
based on a 1989 reinterpretation of environmental
law which stated that land which had water on it for
seven days was considered Federally protected
wetlands.
"That's as close as you can come to restitution for
them, the ducks," the judge in the case declared.
The judge has since retired to a more fitting post
as a member of the Governor's Advisory Panel on
License Plate Reader technology. There's probably a
folk song in that, but no one would ever air it.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Jane F. Barrett called it
"a premeditated environmental crime" and declared
victory even though Ellen was only sentenced to six
months in jail instead of three years.
"It might be true that five years ago Ellen wouldn't
have to go to jail. But we're living in a different
world now," she admitted.
And
that different world is the world that progressives
have made. They have made America into a nightmarish
place that would horrify even Officer Obie. A place
where you don't just go to jail for trashing public
property, but for cleaning up your own.
Ellen's own Officer Obie has moved on to be the
Director of the Environmental Law Clinic at the
University of Maryland. Despite donating a few
thousand dollars to Obama,
she has yet to get the US Attorney gig that she
had her eye on.
Doubtlessly though President Obie is sure to find a
place for any legal eagle who can try to send a
Marine Corps vet with two young children to jail for
three years over a duck pond.
But the final Officer Obie touch was yet to come.
The United States Court of Appeals for the Fourth
Circuit reviewed the case and declared; "That Ellen
believes that an offense of this magnitude is
trivial or unimportant ironically exemplifies the
need not to foreclose punishment by imprisonment."
The need to sentence a man to prison for a trivial
offense because he believes rightly that it is a
trivial offense is the definition of irony only
behind the Iron Curtain. But in a more fitting
definition of irony, the judge responsible for
writing that decision lost his shot at a Supreme
Court spot because he couldn't stop talking to the
New York Times about being considered for the
Supreme Court.
The justice of the Officer Obies, Judge Obies and
President Obies may be blind, deaf and dumb; but
sometimes a higher court than the Supreme Court
intervenes with its own judgement.
The different world that U.S. Attorney Jane F.
Barrett gleefully inhabits where a man may be sent
to jail for a duck pond wasn't made by Officer Obie
and the culture, but by the counterculture. If the
laws of the culture made sense but were guilty of
overreach, the laws of the counterculture are all
overreach with no sense. The laws of the
counterculture are every bit as addled as its art
and its literature.
Seven years after Gibson Guitars worked with Arlo
Guthrie to reconstruct Woody Guthrie's guitar and
sell reproductions of it, a gang of Officer Obies
burst into its Nashville factory with guns drawn
looking for wood. And they did it again two years
later accusing Gibson of making guitars out of wood
that was not finished by Indian workers.
Both times the raids happened under the regime of
President Obie who is the living culmination of
everything that the counterculture hoped for. And
what they hoped for was Officer Obie writ large with
a teleprompter in one hand and an infinite rule book
in the other.
The laws of the culture were rational. The laws of
the counterculture are emotional. They exist because
someone demanded them vehemently enough.
The pursuit of that humane and caring system instead
gave us a system that sends men to jail for the
unrepentant manufacture of duck ponds. It turned
every Federal employee into Officer Obie and made
Officer Obie in his various guises as environmental
crusader, financial regulator and political activist
with revolving door roles in government agencies
into a progressive superhero.
The counterculture heroes aren't rebels anymore.
They are the protectors of the values of the
counterculture who suppress opposition by dissenters
who don't want to buy health insurance, uppity
photographers who don't want to take pictures at gay
weddings and free spirits who build duck ponds
without the proper permits.
In the culture, laws were made by men and carried
out by professionals who understood the laws they
were executing. In the counterculture, laws were
made by activists and then modified by regulators
and bureaucrats so many times that both the
aforementioned trials involved extensive debates
over what law was broken, whether it was broken and
whether the law that may have been broken even
existed.
In the counterculture the sheer morass of laws,
regulations and interpretations of both means that
there really is no law, only whim. No one ever knows
what the law is. They only know whom they want
punished and why.
Ridicule a law enough and it stops applying.
Demonize a defendant enough and he is guilty. Truth
is nothing. Emotion is everything. The humanitarian
creativity of the counterculture was egotism dressed
up in philosophy. It wanted what it wanted. And what
it wanted, it got.
ObamaCare or ObieCare is based on a million
regulations that no one understands holding up an
oppressive system based on wishful thinking that
can't work. President Obie is the perfect leader for
an ideology that wants its fascist overreaches and
abuses of power cloaked in cheerful grins and empty
talk about sharing and community whose practical
implications are defined in implementable legalese
on Page 2809, subparagraph 81b, footnote 311 which
no one has read.
Under the liberal Officer Obies, you can't get what
you want at Alice's Restaurant. Not unless it meets
State and Federal regulations, has listed calorie
counts and doesn't contain any transfats. You can't
get the health plan you want under ObieCare and you
can't get much of anything else either except a
lecture, a reeducation program or a prison term.