Obama’s Pillow Talk Gets Him Impeached—a Fractured Fairy Tale
By
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Obama was so bored with being president, he started
playing more and more golf, shooting more baskets,
and sneaking off to Vegas more and more to party at
his favorite gay bars, the Flex on West Charleston
and Gipsy on Paradise Road. Even during his one-day
work-week. And he started going more and more to the
south pool at the Luxor on Temptation Sundays for
their big LGBT pool party. He usually brought his
gay buddy Kal Penn with him. The Secret Service
disguised them so well, nobody ever knew they were
in Vegas.
Here’s what happened on one of those trips, back in
early 2012:
While Obama and Penn were engaged in pillow talk on
the plane, Obama asked him for advice—after all,
Obama once made him Associate Director in the White
House office of Pubic Engagement.
Obama: You know, Kal, that damn Tea Party is
spoiling everything for me! I’ve had to give up a
lot of golf games and overseas trips so the news
media will show me at the Oval Office more often.
Penn knew just what to say. He was good at telling
Obama what he wanted to hear. That’s why Obama kept
him around, even though he is so ugly. Here’s what
Penn told him:
Barry, people don’t care if you’re at work or not.
You’re gonna win re-election, even though you’re
incompetent and clueless. You’re the biggest
celebrity in the world, and people love celebrities!
You know that! You’ve even told me that your
favorite tactic from Don Hendon’s list of 365
influence tactics is Celebrity Power. (Note:
Celebrity Power is in two of my books:
Guerrilla Deal-Making, page 47, and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence, page 116.) So don’t sweat it—you’re
gonna win re-election.
Obama: You mean I’m gonna steal the election! The
closest races are in Michigan, Ohio, North Carolina,
Florida, and Wisconsin last November. All I need is
two or three million votes from those five states,
and I’ll have another four years of the good life.
And so will you!
Penn: How much will that cost?
Obama: Who knows, who cares. A billion here, a
billion there. What difference does it make?
Penn: Why don’t you save yourself a lot of trouble
and just take care of the Tea Party? You’re the most
powerful person in the world—and the sexiest! It
should be pretty easy, don’t you think?
Obama: Kal, you’ve given me an idea! I’ll get the
IRS to audit them. Even if the IRS doesn’t dig up
any dirt, it’ll scare the shit out of them! That’ll
teach them to mess with the Big Kahuna!
Obama gets on the phone and talks to Steven Miller,
head of the IRS. He talks in a low voice so Kal
can’t hear what he’s saying.
Sure enough, a few days later, the IRS starts
auditing the Tea Party and other conservative
groups. And after that, the Justice Department
started seizing telephone records of reporters who
worked for the Associated Press.
Everything seemed to be going according to plan—Obama’s
plan! The IRS started harassing members of the Tea
Party. They even fed information to Obama himself.
But Obama’s natural laziness meant no follow-up.
But Obama wasn’t prepared when the tax audit scandal
broke in May 2013. And he wasn’t prepared for the
next scandal which became big news a few days
later—people learned that the Department of Justice
grabbed two months of phone records from the
Associated Press. That was the straw that broke the
camel’s back. Even Democrats in the Senate and House
decided they had enough. They were already pissed
off at the cover-up of the Benghazi scandal and
Obama’s trip to Vegas the next day. So leaders of
both parties—even toady Harry Reid—got enough votes
to impeach the guy and convict him. He was removed
from office and sent to prison.
Then, things got worse. Clueless Joe Biden replaced
him. North Korea took advantage of all the confusion
and sent their missiles to Seattle, San Francisco,
Los Angeles, and Las Vegas. Biden didn’t know what
to do. Congress impeached and convicted him, too. He
was sent to a nursing home because of his fragile
mental condition. Fearless John Boehner took over,
bombed the hell out of North Korea, and we all lived
happily ever after. And to think all of this started
with pillow talk between Obama and Kal Penn!
How about that! A fractured fairy tale with a happy
ending! Stay tuned for more events, folks.
Endnote: Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant,
speaker, trainer, and author of 10 books, including
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365
Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making
contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.