In God We Trust

Obama's Genuinely Phony Smile and His Genuinely Weird Signature (part 3 of 3)

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
 

Here’s the plot so far: It’s early June 2014. Obama is flying to Normandy for the D-Day ceremonies. On the plane, he and Dirty Harry Reid talk about how they made their first million dollars. For Obama, it was his genuinely phony Jimmy Carter smile and a ton of book royalties from celebrity-chasing book publishers. They wonder how much money Horrible Hillary Clinton made from her latest book, Hard Choices.

Dirty Harry: I read Hillary’s Hard Choices. B-O-R-I-N-G. The only part I liked was when she reminisced about her teenage years. I’ll bet she was a real hottie when she was a teenager!

Oh-Bummer: Yeah, I envy her so much. When she was 14, she met Saul Alinsky. I wish I had met him. She ooh’d and ahh’d over him because she had read his book, Rules for Radicals, and loved the fact that he dedicated his book to the devil.

Dirty Harry: Why the hell did Alinsky do that? 

Oh-Bummer: She told me that Alinsky felt that Lucifer was “the first radical known to man who rebelled against the establishment and did it so effectively that he at least won his own kingdom.” She really had the hots for that bastard Alinsky! She told me that she even cried when he had that heart attack and died in 1972. Imagine that! A 25-year old broad crying over a dead radical! She paid homage to him by writing her undergraduate thesis about him. That’s when she was a political science major at Wellesley College in Massachusetts. What’s more…

Kal Penn notices that Oh-Bummer is getting bored, so he breaks into the conversation.

Penn: Barry-baby, let me give you some advice. Spit out your Nicorette gum before you get off the plane. You kept chewing gum throughout the funeral service of Nelson Mandela in South Africa last December. And, worst of all, when you were looking at Mandela in his casket, you took your gum out and stuck it into his ear!

Oh-Bummer: Yeah, I’d better stop chewing gum in public. Come here, my speshul-weshul guy. Let’s chew on each other for a while. Excuse us, Harry.

Harry discretely leaves the two love birds alone.

After the plane gets to Normandy, Oh-Bummer goes back to his old tricks. He starts sweet-talking Carla Bruni, that hot model who’s the wife of France’s former president Nicolas Sarkozy. He came on so strong that Michele gave them her famous stink-eye. And when he gave her a love note with his famous stylized autograph that looks like an ejecting penis, she stormed away in disgust. (Note: Check it out on the internet, folks. Just type in “Obama’s penis signature.” You’ll see what I mean.) Even Kal Penn was pissed off at him.

On the plane ride back, there was a lot of tension in the air. The only person who talked to Oh-Bummer was Dirty Harry. He said, “Don’t be so sad. Think of all the money you’ve made because of your genuinely phony Jimmy Carter smile. And remember this—you can make a lot more money if you take my advice.”

Oh-Bummer’s smile returned and his Dumbo ears started flapping. “Tell me more,” he insisted.

Dirty Harry: Well, a software guy in St. George, Utah, paid me big bucks to kill a federal investigation into his $350 million fraudulent software scheme.

Oh-Bummer’s ears started flapping so loudly, he couldn’t hear anymore. As he was falling asleep, his plane collided with the ghost plane, Malaysian Air Lines Flight 370. Everybody on Air Force One died.

How’s that for a happy ending, folks?

Note to my readers: None of this stuff about bribes is true. We all know that politicians are 100 percent trustworthy, and they all go to Heaven when they die. After all, what you’ve read here is nothing more than a Fractured Fairy Tale.

Copyright (c) 2014


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Levinson recently passed away. He specifically chose Don to be his final co-author—the person most qualified to  carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into the 21st century. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.