Obama the Hoarse Whisperer, and Groupie Germs (Part 2 of 3)
By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Here’s the plot so far, folks: It’s early June 2014.
Obama is flying to Normandy to stop those internet
rumors that he is the only president since Harry
Truman who never bothered to go there on D-Day. He’s
sitting on the plane talking to Dirty Harry Reid,
the Senate Majority Leader. They’re talking about
how they made their first million dollars.
Oh-Bummer: Yeah, I got on the fast track to riches
when I gave the keynote speech at the Democrat’s
convention in 2004. That was the year they picked
that horse-faced guy, John Kerry, as their nominee.
After I wowed everybody in the audience with my
genuinely phony smile, I thought Kerry was gonna
pick me as his running mate. But he picked that womanizing loser, John
Edwards, instead.
Dirty Harry: I heard you used a lot of dirty tricks
to win your Senate race.
Oh-Bummer: Yeah, I learned from the master—you! I still consider you the master of voter fraud. You really know how to manipulate all those unions in the Vegas casinos!
Dirty Harry: I don’t
manipulate
them—I
intimidate them! By the way, who did the
Republicans pick to run against you for the Senate?
Can’t remember the guy’s name.
Oh-Bummer: They picked some goody two-shoes named
Jack Ryan. I figured I couldn’t beat him. I hadn’t
mastered the art of voter fraud yet. So I got a
buddy to leak Ryan’s secret divorce records to the
press. Ryan did so many crappy things to his wife,
so he had to drop out of the race. And the
Republicans replaced him with some loser, a black
dude named Alan Keyes. His phony smile was no match
for mine, and I beat the hell out of him. 70% to
20%. I spent $14 million, and he spent $2 million.
And…
Dirty Harry, obviously bored, interrupts by saying,
“So what does this have to do with how you made your
first million dollars?
Oh-Bummer: Well, after I gave the keynote speech and
became Senator, Crown Publishing gave me a $1.9
million advance for my book,
The
Audacity of Hope. A hell of a lot more than
those cheapskates at Times Books, gave me for my
first book,
Dreams from My Father, way back in 1995.
Hell, they didn’t give me anything when they sold
the reprint rights to Random House. And I got my
radical buddy, Bill Ayers, to do all the writing.
You know how lazy I am!
Dirty Harry: How much do you think Horrible Hillary
got from those celebrity-lovers at Simon & Schuster
for Hard
Choices?
Oh-Bummer: Who the hell knows? All I know for sure
is that one of her hard choices was
not Bill.
He hasn’t been able to get it up since his
open-heart surgery back in 2004.
They both laugh so hard, they almost choke to death.
(That would have been a happy ending, huh, folks?)
Eventually, they start speculating on how much
Hillary Clinton made on her book,
Hard
Choices.
Whispering hoarsely, Dirty Harry says, “Horrible
Hillary couldn’t have made too much money from her
book. After all, it was banned in China. And I know
how much she hates to go to those terrible
book-signing events. She’s deathly afraid of getting
germs from her groupies.”
Oh-Bummer: Well, Hillary made around $10 million
while George Bush was president. Lots of scams, but
not much book sales. I hear her two books,
Living History in 2004 and
It Takes a Village in 2006 were real bow-wow’s.
Dirty Harry: Well, she made a lot more than
I did from
my two books,
The Good
Fight in 2009 and
Searchlight—the Camp That Didn’t Fail in
2007. It’s too damn hard to make money from book
sales, even if you’re a celebrity politician like
me. It’s a lot easier to bribe people and get rich
on scams.
Oh-Bummer: Well, if you had a genuinely phony smile
like mine, you could have made a
lot of
money with your two books.
Dirty Harry: Well, like I said in
The Good
Fight, I was a prize fighter. A lousy one,
though. I got beat up so much—that’s why my voice
sounds like it does today! My wife calls me the
Hoarse Whisperer! And then, she playfully beats me
with a horse whip! I just love it when she does
that!
…to be continued once again.
Copyright (c) 2014
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a
consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14
books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Levinson recently passed
away. He specifically chose Don to be his final
co-author—the person most qualified to
carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into
the 21st century.
Deal-Making
contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.