In God We Trust

Obama Reveals His Secret of Winning to Dirty Harry Reid - We're Celebrities and Crooks at the Same Time (Part 1 of 3)

 

By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

Obama finally decides to visit Normandy on the anniversary of D-Day. He wants to stop all those false rumors on the internet that he’s the only president since Harry Truman who never paid homage to the troops who died there in World War II—after all, he did make a quick visit there in 2009.

But he doesn’t want to sit with nagging Michelle and the kids. Especially after their latest fight. He knows she can’t stand Dirty Harry Reid, so he takes the guy on the flight with him to Normandy. “That’ll keep Michelle away,” he thinks to himself. And since Harry Reid bores him to death, he decides to bring his speshul-weshul guy, Kal Penn, the actor who Oh-Bummer made Head of the Office of Pubic Engagement.

It worked Michelle never came near him on the plane.

Oh-Bummer really wasn’t enthused about taking Dirty Harry. He hated Reid’s obnoxious sissy-style whispering voice. But listening to Reid was better than listening to Michelle yell at him all the time!

Dirty Harry noticed that Oh-Bummer was obviously with him. So he decided to bring up the subject dear to both of their evil hearts—bribes and scams. Immediately, Oh-Bummer’s Dumbo-size ears started flapping, a sure sign he was interested. Oh-Bummer broke into his genuinely phony Jimmy Carter smile and said, “Show me yours, and then I’ll show you mine.”

Dirty Harry: Hey, Barry, I’m not that kind of guy!

Oh-Bummer: I mean, tell me about some of the scams you’ve been involved in, and then I’ll tell you about my scams. ” 

Dirty Harry: I’ve been involved in so many different scams, I don’t know which to tell you about first. My easiest scam was this: I bought a couple of residential lots in Vegas for $400,000 in 1998. I bribed some guys to rezone the property as a shopping center and sold it for $1.1 million.  

Oh-Bummer: I hear that flea-bag family home in Searchlight, where you were born and raised, cost you only $10,000 and just sold it for $1.7 million to Nevada Milling and Mining. 

Dirty Harry: Yeah, I paid off the mortgage in 2012 to Wells Fargo. It seems hard to believe. The property isn’t even worth $25,000! Hell, there are only 500 people in Searchlight. Minus one now, because I’m not there anymore. I wish I had become a politician years ago—I could be a billionaire today instead of just a common millionaire! 

Oh-Bummer: Yeah, being a politician is the best thing in the world! We’re celebrities and crooks at the same time. We can break the law and never be punished. And, even though we’re boring, people can’t get enough of us! We’re like the Kardashians!

Dirty Harry: Hey, why don’t you a book with that title—Politicians: Celebrities and Crooks?

Oh-Bummer just smiles in his usual winning manner.

Dirty Harry: How did you make your first million?

Oh-Bummer: Well, I think it’s because of my smile. I’m a much better actor than Jimmy Carter—everybody knew his smiles were phony as hell. He couldn’t hide the pain his always-inflamed hemorrhoids gave him. But all people, all over the world, actually think my phony smile is genuine. What a bunch of dummies!

Dirty Harry: I don’t think it’s because of your acting. I think it’s because of the contrast of your white teeth and your black skin!

Oh-Bummer: Yep. I’ve always thought the same thing. Anyway, I was lucky enough to catch the attention of the power brokers of the Democratic Party in 2004. I was running for Senator, and they picked little old me to give the keynote address at their convention.

Dirty Harry: I remember. I was there. That’s where you got the nickname, “Teleprompter Guy.”

…to be continued.

Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Levinson recently passed away. He specifically chose Don to be his final co-author—the person most qualified to  carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into the 21st century. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.