In God We Trust

Obama Protects Turtles at the Battle of Bunkerville! (Part 2) - a Fractured Fairy Tale

 

By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

In part 1 of The Battle of Bunkerville, New York Congressman Charlie Rangel and Obama were talking about what happened on April 12, 2014, when the Bureau of Land Management confronted Tea Parties from several western states who came to support rancher Clive Bundy of Bunkerville, Nevada. The BLM put on its cattle-rustling hat and tried to steal Bundy’s 300 head of cattle from Bundy. Reason? They said he refused to pay them for grazing rights. Nevada’s governor said Bundy had paid his fees.

Rangel told Obama, “That confrontation was big news. The BLM brought in artillery, dogs, loads of cops, snipers, helicopters. They closed Interstate 15, and people couldn’t get to the annual Clark County Fair and Rodeo in nearby Logandale. They were vicious—they shoved people to the ground, used tasers. They even had a county commissioner tell the Tea Party supporters to have their funeral plans in place. And they tried to steal 300 of Bundy’s cattle. But eventually they backed down—for a while, anyway.”

Oh-bummer: You seem to know a lot about that. Maybe you’re not senile after all. Tell me more about what happened in Bunker Hill.

Charlie: You mean Bunkerville, stupid! OK, here’s the inside story. It’s full of kickbacks, a subject dear to my heart. Dirty Harry Reid claimed that Bundy’s cattle are endangering a weird-looking turtle called the desert tortoise. But the real reason is that you appointed Reid’s buddy, Harvey Whittemore, as head of BLM. The guy’s a crook!

Oh-bummer: It takes one to know one, Charlie.

Charlie: Screw you, Dumbo! Anyway, Whittemore was convicted of illegal campaign contributions to Dirty Harry. And after he became head of the BLM, he changed the boundaries of the turtle protection area.

Oh-bummer: Why?

Charlie: So a Chinese company, ENN Energy Group, could build a $5 billion wind and solar power plant in the desert where Bundy grazed his cattle. ENN paid big bucks in kickbacks to Dirty Harry, his son Ridiculous Rory, and Whittemore for that favor.

Oh-bummer: How does Ridiculous Rory fit in?

Charlie: When he was the chairman of the Clark County Commission, he sold 9,000 acres of county land to ENN at a rock-bottom price.

Oh-bummer: How rock-bottom was it?

Charlie: It was way, way below market value. Ridiculous Rory said ENN’s power plant way out in the middle of nowhere would generate a lot of jobs.

Oh-bummer: I guess that’s why they call him Ridiculous Rory.

Charlie: Yeah. He used the big bucks kickback he got from ENN when he ran against Brian Sandoval for governor in 2012. He lost big-time.

Oh-bummer’s big ears get even bigger. He says, “Big bucks? Hey, how can I get a piece of that action?”

Charlie: Hey, I’ve got an idea. After you’re impeached, you can go to work by generating wind power in the Nevada desert just by flapping your Dumbos.

Oh-bummer farts in disgust.

Charlie farts back in return, then says: Anyway, who cares about Dirty Harry and stupid turtles! Let’s get back to our argument. What was it about again?

Oh-bummer: You said Tea Parties were just in the 13 Confederate states. Nowhere else.

Charlie: Yeah, and I’m proud to say that I told the Daily Beast that all Tea Party members are “white crackers—the same group we blacks faced in the south with police and police dogs behind them”

Oh-bummer: What a racist! And then you told the New York Post, “Obama-scare is all screwed up.”

Charlie: it sure is. The only person who’s happy about it is Kathleen Sebelius. The main reason she resigned is that Obama-Scare will cover all her injuries after you throw her under the bus.

Oh-bummer: Is that a joke?

Charlie: You’re the joke, Barry-baby. Anyway, I’m not resigning. I’m gonna die in office. I want to lay in state at the Capitol.

Oh-bummer: Is that your only reason for not resigning. You know, once you lose your congressional immunity, you’ll get thrown in jail for tax evasion and taking bribes.

Charlie: Wanna know my main reason for not resigning? It’s because I want to keep embarrassing you. I’m really pissed off at you. Why didn’t you invite me to the $30,000-a-plate fundraiser you had in 2011 at that upscale soul food restaurant on Lenox Avenue in Harlem, the Red Rooster?

Oh-bummer: Because I knew you’d try to sneak in free. You’re too cheap to pay even $5, let alone $30,000. And you snuck in anyway. I saw you there, trying to hide at a table in the back.

Charlie: How did you spot me?

Oh-bummer: Easy. You’re too fat to be invisible.

Morbidly obese Charlie struggles to get up from his chair, then tries to throw a punch at Obama. The effort was too much for him. He had a heart attack and died. Or did he? Maybe he was just playing possum. You never can tell what’s gonna happen in these fractured fairy tales. Find out for sure in the final installment of this three-part fractured fairy tale. Title: The Miracle of the Battle of Bunkerville—the Ghosts of John Wayne and Ronald Reagan to the Rescue!

Special note to my readers: I live 3 miles from Clive Bundy. I was at the confrontation on April 12, 2014. The Battle of Bunkerville was pretty scary! Do you think it will go down in history like the Battle of Bunker Hill did? That started the American Revolution. Will the Battle of Bunkerville start the second American Revolution? And if there is a second revolution, who do you think will win? The good guys or the bad guys?

 Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon