Obama Protects Turtles at the Battle of Bunkerville! (Part 2) - a Fractured Fairy Tale
By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
In part 1 of The Battle of Bunkerville, New York
Congressman Charlie Rangel and Obama were talking
about what happened on April 12, 2014, when the
Bureau of Land Management confronted Tea Parties
from several western states who came to support
rancher Clive Bundy of Bunkerville, Nevada. The BLM
put on its cattle-rustling hat and tried to steal
Bundy’s 300 head of cattle from Bundy. Reason? They
said he refused to pay them for grazing rights.
Nevada’s governor said Bundy had paid his fees.
Rangel told Obama, “That confrontation was big news.
The BLM brought in artillery, dogs, loads of cops,
snipers, helicopters. They closed Interstate 15, and
people couldn’t get to the annual Clark County Fair
and Rodeo in nearby Logandale. They were
vicious—they shoved people to the ground, used
tasers. They even had a county commissioner tell the
Tea Party supporters to have their funeral plans in
place. And they tried to steal 300 of Bundy’s
cattle. But eventually they backed down—for a while,
anyway.”
Oh-bummer: You seem to know a lot about that. Maybe
you’re not senile after all. Tell me more about what
happened in Bunker Hill.
Charlie: You mean Bunkerville, stupid! OK, here’s
the inside story. It’s full of kickbacks, a subject
dear to my heart. Dirty Harry Reid claimed that
Bundy’s cattle are endangering a weird-looking
turtle called the desert tortoise. But the
real reason is that you appointed Reid’s
buddy, Harvey Whittemore, as head of BLM. The guy’s
a crook!
Oh-bummer: It takes one to know one, Charlie.
Charlie: Screw you, Dumbo! Anyway, Whittemore was
convicted of illegal campaign contributions to Dirty
Harry. And after he became head of the BLM, he
changed the boundaries of the turtle protection
area.
Oh-bummer: Why?
Charlie: So a Chinese company, ENN Energy Group,
could build a $5 billion wind and solar power plant
in the desert where Bundy grazed his cattle. ENN
paid big bucks in kickbacks to Dirty Harry, his son
Ridiculous Rory, and Whittemore for that favor.
Oh-bummer: How does Ridiculous Rory fit in?
Charlie: When he was the chairman of the Clark
County Commission, he sold 9,000 acres of county
land to ENN at a rock-bottom price.
Oh-bummer: How rock-bottom was it?
Charlie: It was way, way below market value.
Ridiculous Rory said ENN’s power plant way out in
the middle of nowhere would generate a lot of jobs.
Oh-bummer: I guess that’s why they call him
Ridiculous Rory.
Charlie: Yeah. He used the big bucks kickback he got
from ENN when he ran against Brian Sandoval for
governor in 2012. He lost big-time.
Oh-bummer’s big ears get even bigger. He says, “Big
bucks? Hey, how can I get a piece of that
action?”
Charlie: Hey, I’ve got an idea. After you’re
impeached, you can go to work by generating wind
power in the Nevada desert just by flapping your
Dumbos.
Oh-bummer farts in disgust.
Charlie farts back in return, then says: Anyway, who
cares about Dirty Harry and stupid turtles! Let’s
get back to our argument. What was it about again?
Oh-bummer: You said Tea Parties were just in the 13
Confederate states. Nowhere else.
Charlie: Yeah, and I’m proud to say that I told the
Daily Beast that all Tea Party members
are “white crackers—the same group we blacks faced
in the south with police and police dogs behind
them”
Oh-bummer: What a racist! And then you told the
New York Post, “Obama-scare is all
screwed up.”
Charlie: it sure is. The only person who’s happy
about it is Kathleen Sebelius. The main reason she
resigned is that Obama-Scare will cover all her
injuries after you throw her under the bus.
Oh-bummer: Is that a joke?
Charlie: You’re the joke, Barry-baby.
Anyway, I’m not resigning. I’m gonna
die in office. I want to lay in state at the
Capitol.
Oh-bummer: Is that your only reason for not
resigning. You know, once you lose your
congressional immunity, you’ll get thrown in jail
for tax evasion and taking bribes.
Charlie: Wanna know my main reason for
not resigning? It’s because I want to keep
embarrassing you. I’m really pissed off at you. Why
didn’t you invite me to the $30,000-a-plate
fundraiser you had in 2011 at that upscale soul food
restaurant on Lenox Avenue in Harlem, the Red
Rooster?
Oh-bummer: Because I knew you’d try to sneak in
free. You’re too cheap to pay even $5, let alone
$30,000. And you snuck in anyway. I saw you there,
trying to hide at a table in the back.
Charlie: How did you spot me?
Oh-bummer: Easy. You’re too fat to be invisible.
Morbidly obese Charlie struggles to get up from his
chair, then tries to throw a punch at Obama. The
effort was too much for him. He had a heart attack
and died. Or did he? Maybe he was just
playing possum. You never can tell what’s gonna
happen in these fractured fairy tales. Find out for
sure in the final installment of this three-part
fractured fairy tale. Title: The Miracle of
the Battle of Bunkerville—the Ghosts of John Wayne
and Ronald Reagan to the Rescue!
Special note to my readers:
I live 3 miles from Clive Bundy. I was at the
confrontation on April 12, 2014. The Battle of
Bunkerville was pretty scary! Do you think it
will go down in history like the Battle of Bunker
Hill did? That started the American Revolution.
Will the Battle of Bunkerville start the
second American Revolution? And if there
is a second revolution, who do you think will win?
The good guys or the bad guys?