Obama Goes on Safari in Australia, Hunting Kangaroos and Koala Bears
By
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
In my
previous fractured fairy tale (August 3, 2015),
Obama showed Michelle and Valerie Jarrett the
“trophies” he got when he went on safari in Kenya
and Australia a couple of months ago—12 lion heads,
16 stuffed kangaroos, and 9 stuffed koala bears.
Just before she left, Valerie asked Obama, “When you
were in Kenya, did you visit your birthplace in
Mombassa?”
Obama:
Yes, but only briefly. My relatives are so boring. I
spent most of my time in Nairobi, the capital. I
went to the government’s National Registration
Bureau. It’s in charge of enforcing the Kenya
Citizenship and Immigration Act of 2011. I wanted to
make sure all my Kenya National Identity Cards were
destroyed.
Right
after escorting Valerie to her waiting limousine,
Obama went to bed, humming the song “Waltzing
Matilda.” He had this dream:
He was by
all by himself in Australia’s outback. He was
dressed in dirty old clothes and carried his bedroll
on his back. His wide-brimmed hat had corks hanging
down to get rid of the flies.
He camped
by a billabong (river) under the shade of a coolibah
tree. Instead of boiling his billy (water) for tea,
he smoked a joint of marijuana.
All of a
sudden, a jumbuck (sheep) came by to drink at the
billabong. Obama jumped up and grabbed him with
glee. After killing him with his rifle, he put the
jumbuck into his tucker bag (food bag) and sang,
“You’ll come a-waltzing Michelle-ah, with me.”
Then, in
the distance, he saw a mob of kangaroos. He thought,
“They’re hopping mad. I think I’ll put them out of
their misery.” So he shot 16 of them.
He walked
some more and came to a grove of gum trees
(eucalyptus trees). He saw a bunch of koala bears
getting high as they ate the leaves. He thought to
himself, “Hey, maybe I should try eucalyptus leaves
instead of marijuana leaves in my reefers.” Just for
the hell of it, he shot 9 koalas.
Then, he
came to another billabong. That’s where he made his
mistake. He didn’t know it, but he was now on a
private ranch. The owner, mounted on his
thoroughbred horse, approached him. Followed by
three troopers, Curly, Moe, and Shemp Horowitz. The
owner said:
Is that my
jumbuck (sheep) you’ve got in your tucker bag (food
bag)? If it is, you’ll come a-waltzing Michelle-ah
with me.
Curly,
Moe, and Shemp approached Obama, with fire in their
eyes. Obama jumped up and sprang into the billabong
(river). He yelled, “You’ll never take me alive!” He
drowned.
Obama
turned into a ghost. Everytime somebody passes the
billabong where he drowned, he scares people by
singing in a sad, sad voice, “Who’ll come a-waltzing
Michelle-ah, with me? Maybe you!”
Obama
hated ghost stories. He woke up in a cold sweat. He
went down to his trophy room and spent the rest of
the night sleeping on the floor. From time to time,
he gazed fondly at the 12 lion heads, 16 stuffed
kangaroos, and 9 stuffed koala bears. He thought,
“Gee, the lions are so ugly. Some of them look like
the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. And some of
them look like Hillary Clinton and Maxine Waters. I
wonder if Hillary will choose Maxine for her running
mate. Those are two really ugly women! Or maybe
she’ll choose Angelina Jolie. That will get the
votes of the Brad Pitt groupies, too.
Who do you
think Hillary will choose? Representative Maxine
Waters? Nasty Nancy Pelosi? Angelina Jolie? They’re
all from California. Look for a future Fractured
Fairy Tale, “California Dreaming.”
Dr. Donald
Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and
author of 14 books, including
Fractured
Fairy Tales, published last year by Spectrum
Books. Look for it on Amazon.com and Barnes &
Noble—and at other book stores. He’s also written
several business books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365
Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them.