In God We Trust

Obama Goes on Safari in Australia, Hunting Kangaroos and Koala Bears

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

In my previous fractured fairy tale (August 3, 2015), Obama showed Michelle and Valerie Jarrett the “trophies” he got when he went on safari in Kenya and Australia a couple of months ago—12 lion heads, 16 stuffed kangaroos, and 9 stuffed koala bears. Just before she left, Valerie asked Obama, “When you were in Kenya, did you visit your birthplace in Mombassa?”

Obama: Yes, but only briefly. My relatives are so boring. I spent most of my time in Nairobi, the capital. I went to the government’s National Registration Bureau. It’s in charge of enforcing the Kenya Citizenship and Immigration Act of 2011. I wanted to make sure all my Kenya National Identity Cards were destroyed.

Right after escorting Valerie to her waiting limousine, Obama went to bed, humming the song “Waltzing Matilda.” He had this dream:

He was by all by himself in Australia’s outback. He was dressed in dirty old clothes and carried his bedroll on his back. His wide-brimmed hat had corks hanging down to get rid of the flies.

He camped by a billabong (river) under the shade of a coolibah tree. Instead of boiling his billy (water) for tea, he smoked a joint of marijuana.

All of a sudden, a jumbuck (sheep) came by to drink at the billabong. Obama jumped up and grabbed him with glee. After killing him with his rifle, he put the jumbuck into his tucker bag (food bag) and sang, “You’ll come a-waltzing Michelle-ah, with me.”

Then, in the distance, he saw a mob of kangaroos. He thought, “They’re hopping mad. I think I’ll put them out of their misery.” So he shot 16 of them.

He walked some more and came to a grove of gum trees (eucalyptus trees). He saw a bunch of koala bears getting high as they ate the leaves. He thought to himself, “Hey, maybe I should try eucalyptus leaves instead of marijuana leaves in my reefers.” Just for the hell of it, he shot 9 koalas.

Then, he came to another billabong. That’s where he made his mistake. He didn’t know it, but he was now on a private ranch. The owner, mounted on his thoroughbred horse, approached him. Followed by three troopers, Curly, Moe, and Shemp Horowitz. The owner said:

Is that my jumbuck (sheep) you’ve got in your tucker bag (food bag)? If it is, you’ll come a-waltzing Michelle-ah with me.

Curly, Moe, and Shemp approached Obama, with fire in their eyes. Obama jumped up and sprang into the billabong (river). He yelled, “You’ll never take me alive!” He drowned.

Obama turned into a ghost. Everytime somebody passes the billabong where he drowned, he scares people by singing in a sad, sad voice, “Who’ll come a-waltzing Michelle-ah, with me? Maybe you!”

Obama hated ghost stories. He woke up in a cold sweat. He went down to his trophy room and spent the rest of the night sleeping on the floor. From time to time, he gazed fondly at the 12 lion heads, 16 stuffed kangaroos, and 9 stuffed koala bears. He thought, “Gee, the lions are so ugly. Some of them look like the Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz. And some of them look like Hillary Clinton and Maxine Waters. I wonder if Hillary will choose Maxine for her running mate. Those are two really ugly women! Or maybe she’ll choose Angelina Jolie. That will get the votes of the Brad Pitt groupies, too.

Who do you think Hillary will choose? Representative Maxine Waters? Nasty Nancy Pelosi? Angelina Jolie? They’re all from California. Look for a future Fractured Fairy Tale, “California Dreaming.”

Copyright (c) 2015


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14 books, including Fractured Fairy Tales, published last year by Spectrum Books. Look for it on Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble—and at other book stores. He’s also written several business books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them.