Obama Commits Suicide and Clarence Earns His Wings, Part 1
By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Obama was
depressed. Very depressed. His ego became so big
after he got elected president that even he started
to believe what he said in his acceptance
speech—that the oceans would begin to recede and our
planet would begin to heal. He looked at his
custom-made gold coin with the words “A beam of
light will come down upon you, you will experience
an epiphany, and you’ll realize you must go to the
polls and vote for Obama.” He carried it everywhere
because fed his huge ego. He threw it away in
disgust.
But he put
on his usual phony Jimmy Carter smile when he got
off the plane in Hawaii for his annual vacation.
Only Michelle and the kids knew how very, very
depressed he really was. Here’s why:
His
un-popularity rating was at an all-time high.
Even Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor Rob Ford had
higher ratings! Obama’s “If you like your plan, you
can keep your plan” was picked as the biggest lie,
not only of 2013, but of the entire 21st century!
Hackers got into his Obama-Scare website. They put
Homer Simpson on the landing page. Homer was saying
“D’oh!” The Obama-Scare website mangers couldn’t get
rid of it using their 3-1/2 inch floppies. The only
bright side was his Emmy nomination for best
actor—for continuous lying with a straight face and
a smile over a six-year period.
Michelle
and the kids tried to cheer him up on the flight.
Malia even gave him a hand-made Christmas card
showing him and three other presidents on what she
called Mount Stupid. It looked like Mount Rushmore.
He was there, along with Richard Nixon, Jimmy
Carter, and Bill Clinton. Nixon said “I am not a
crook.” Carter said “I'll
never lie to you...by the way, I'm a nuclear
physicist.”
Clinton said “I
did not have sex with that woman... Miss Lewinski.”
And Obama said “if your doctor voted for me, you can
keep your doctor.” But nothing worked.
After he
arrived in Hawaii, his speshul-weshul guy Kal Penn
tried to cheer him up as they snuggled together in
bed that night. He said, “Hey, Barry-baby, you’re
like Dumbo the elephant and Pinocchio. The more you
lie, the bigger your ears get. And you know how I
like to nibble on your ears. Now I have more to
nibble on.”
Nothing
worked. No nibbling that night!
The next
morning, he got even worse news. South Carolina
congressman Tom Rice introduced a bill suing Obama
for violating Article 2 section 3 of the
Constitution. It passed unanimously in the House.
Even Dirty Harry Reid got it passed in the Senate.
Also unanimously! The bill charged Obama with making
a major change to the Obama-Scare Act without
getting Congress to approve first. And that’s
illegal!
The major
change was really a biggie! He delayed the so-called
Employer Mandate for over a year, until after
the 2014 elections. All these two words meant is
that employers with more than 50 full-time employees
must provide health insurance to their workers. He
delayed the unpopular Mandate without even
talking to Dirty Harry or face-lift champion Nancy
Pelosi. Their egos were bruised badly. They were so
pissed-off, they voted to get rid of Obama—even if
it meant that clueless Joe Biden became President.
The next
day brought him the worst of all possible news. The
judge hearing the lawsuit found Obama guilty and
sentenced him to 100 years in jail without
possibility of parole. And the Supreme Court upheld
the verdict!
That
night, he didn’t want anybody’s company—not even Kal
Penn’s. He cried himself to sleep, alone. He decided
to commit suicide the next day. He had a dream:
The ghost
of Nelson Mandela shows up. He said, “Mister
President, why don’t you try to emulate me?”
Obama:
What should I do, Nelson?
Mandela’s
ghost: You could start by spending 27 years in
prison like I did. Wait a minute—I forgot. You’re
gonna spend 100 years in prison. Sorry. I can’t help
you.
Mandela
laughed and disappeared.
He woke
up, turned on the TV. It was the annual showing of
“It’s a Wonderful Life,” that great 1946 movie with
Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed. He fell asleep in his
chair while watching it on NBC. All of a sudden, he
felt a tug on his sleeve. It was Clarence, the Angel
who finally got his wings by showing Jimmy Stewart
what life in Bedford Falls would be like if Jimmy
had never been born.
What did
Clarence the Angel say to Obama? See tomorrow’s
installment for the answer.
Dr. Donald
Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and
author of 12 books, including The Way of the
Warrior in Business, Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful
tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along
with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive
tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and
16 submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.