Obama Calls Charlie Rangel a Racist at the Battle of Bunkerville! (Part 1) - A Fractured Fairy Tale

By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

Once again, Obama is embarrassed by Harlem Congressman Charlie Rangel. He thinks, “What am I gonna do about that guy? He’s 83 years old. Senile. Represented his district since 1971. It’s time for him to retire.”  

He summons him to the White House. Rangel ignores the summons. He’s pissed off at Obama. Eventually, Rangel shows up. And the argument starts immediately.

Oh-bummer: Hey, Charlie, why don’t you retire? You’re embarrassing me and embarrassing yourself. You told the press that you’re my “go-to guy on Capitol Hill.” You’re a damn liar. I don’t go to you for anything. I’m the President of the United 57 States. I’m somebody! You’re just an embarrassing nobody!

Rangel: What are you trying to tell me, Barry-baby?

Oh-bummer: I’m not your Barry-baby! Don’t run again. I ordered you to retire a few years ago, and you ignored me. I’m warning you. Don’t ignore me again! I order you to retire. Your Republican opponent, Adriano Espaillat, is a lot more qualified than you.

Rangel: Sure, Espaillat is a lot more qualified than me. He’s smart. I’m dumb. He’s good-looking. I’m a fat slob with diabetes. I probably won’t live long enough to finish my 23rd term after I’m re-elected. I’m a tax cheat. Haven’t paid income taxes for years. But I’m above the law. I was never arrested. I walked out on the cops when they came to arrest me. Remember that?

Oh-bummer: Yeah, I saw it on TV. Ain’t it great? We politicians are above the law!

Rangel: But qualifications don’t matter today. Look at you! You’re the most under-qualified guy in Washington. The only thing that matters to my voters is that I’m close to you! I consult with you regularly. Once at a dinner dance at the White House, we talked about immigration. Remember?

Oh-bummer: Bullshit, Charlie! Whenever you call or come by, I make sure I’m not around. And immigration won’t be solved at a dinner dance.

Charlie: Hey, that’s exactly what Espaillat said! And, by the way, did you know you flap your Dumbo ears when you’re angry? You’re doing a lot of flapping now.

Oh-bummer flaps his ears even more and yells, trying to be heard over the windstorm. He says, “Retire, Charlie! You’re senile!”

Charlie: What do you mean, “I’m sterile”?

Oh-bummer: You’re also hard of hearing. And stupid!

Charlie: What do you mean by stupid?

Oh-bummer: You told the New York Observer that Tea Party members “all come from Confederate states, from slave-holding states.” Tea Parties are located all over the country. And they’re powerful. Why just last week, several hundred Tea Party members from Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, Arizona, California, and Nevada came to Bunkerville, Nevada, to support rancher Clive Bundy.

Charlie: Clive Bundy? Wasn’t he the guy on Married with Children?

Oh-bummer: You’re thinking of Al Bundy, stupid! Clive Bundy has a ranch 80 miles from Las Vegas. He grazes his cattle on federal land, in the Gold Butte area. His family has grazed cattle on the land, free of charge, since the 1870s.

Charlie: Can’t he graze somewhere else?

Oh-bummer: No. The feds own 84 percent of all land in Nevada. Not much private land available. Anyway, Bundy refused to pay the Bureau of Land Management $1.50 a month per animal for letting his 1,000 head of cattle graze there. On the other hand, Brian Sandoval, Nevada’s governor, said that Bundy has paid his fees.

Charlie: Yeah, that was big news. On April 12, the BLM brought in artillery, dogs, loads of cops, snipers, helicopters. They closed Interstate 15, and people couldn’t get to the annual Clark County Fair and Rodeo in Logandale. They were vicious—they shoved people to the ground, used tasers. They had a county commissioner tell the Tea Party supporters to have their funeral plans in place. And they tried to steal 300 of Bundy’s cattle. But eventually they backed down—for a while.

Note to readers: Why did the feds back down? And when is Oh-bummer gonna call Charlie Rangel a racist?  Read tomorrow’s startling follow-up story—and the one after that. Here’s a hint: Dirty Harry Reid, the guy every normal person loves to hate, plays a big role! So does his son, Ridiculous Rory!

Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon