Obama Becomes God, Destroys Three Civilizations,
then Meets Ayn Rand--Part 1
By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Very, very depressed at hitting the half century
mark, Michelle kicks Barack out of the bedroom the
night before her 50th birthday. She tells him she’s
getting a divorce.
(A future
fractured fairy tale is all about this. Watch for
it!) Barack tries to hide his joy at finally
getting rid of her, so he hides his usual phony
Jimmy Carter smile. He celebrates by calling up his
speshul-weshul guy, actor Kal Penn, whom he made
director of the White House Office of Pubic
Engagement. They start watching the Comedy Channel.
Futurama
comes on. They watch it and fall asleep together.
Barack dreams he’s the robot Bender. Here’s his
dream:
One day in outer space, when Planet Express is
making a delivery, pirates attack the Planet Express
ship. There’s lots of noise. Barack Bender—let’s
call him Bee-Bee from now on—gets away from the
noise by taking a nap in Torpedo Bay 3. Naughty
Nancy Pelosi, the ship captain, and her assistant,
Dirty Harry Reid, don’t know he’s there, and they
shoot torpedoes at the pirates. Bee-Bee is ejected
from the torpedo bay and drifts through space.
Naughty Nancy and Dirty Harry can’t catch up to him.
He passes through one galaxy after another.
Bee-Bee comes to an asteroid belt. One of the
asteroids hits him in the belly. It contains a
civilization. It grows and develops on his belly.
The small humanoids see him and begin to worship him
as God.
“Gee, what a great dream this is,” he thinks to
himself. Bee-Bee befriends their leader Clueless Joe
Biden and issues one commandment, not ten. It’ has
only five words: “God needs booze and marijuana.”
They build him a brewery. Most people are injured
badly in building it. Others die from the noxious
fumes from the brewery, which pollute the
environment. The liquor industry attracts organized
crime. The population decreases dramatically.
Bee-Bee doesn’t care. He’s always drunk and high.
After all, he said in January 2014, “Pot is not any
more dangerous than alcohol.” Then he catches a cold
and sneezes. His snot causes floods, and more people
die. Saying “This is a job for God,” he saves one of
them from the flood waters. The survivors to start
chanting loudly to their black God for their own
miracles. But there are too many prayers for him to
pay attention to. He asks Clueless Joe for advice:
“What are they praying for?”
Clueless Joe says “This village is praying for
wealth.” Bee-Bee flips down a coin, flattens the
village, killing everybody. Clueless Joe then says
“The farmers are praying for sunlight so that the
barley might make a more refreshing beer for today’s
God on the go.” Bee-Bee focuses the rays of a nearby
sun on the fields, causing fires, killing more
people. He tries to blow the fire out with his
breath, creating a huge windstorm, blowing people
into outer space, destroying the rest of the
village.
Then, Clueless Joe says “The infidels on your butt
don’t believe in you anymore. They say their prayers
have gone unanswered.” Bee-Bee replies “Of course
they’re unanswered.
How can I hear prayers coming out of my shiny
armor ass?” Clueless Joe goes on: “They talk of war
against the faithful—us. Please rise up against
them. Smite someone who deserves it for once.”
Bee-Bee thinks to himself,
“Gee, every
time I—their government—interfere, I only make
things worse. People are better off solving their
own problems.”
Time passes. Warships from the civilization on Bee-Bee’s butt drop nuclear bombs on the people on his belly—the civilization with Clueless Joe Biden. Bee-Bee says “Gee, the nonbelievers must have discovered my nuclear piles.”
Clueless Joe: “We’ll solve our problems by
converting nonbelievers—TO NUCLEAR VAPOR!” All-out
war begins. Shortly, everybody’s dead on both sides.
Sadly, Bee-Bee thinks, “Who would have known
playing God would have such terrible consequences?”
Meanwhile, back on Earth, Naughty Nancy Pelosi and
Dirty Harry Reid start sending probes to all
sections of the universe to try and find their
beloved
Bee-Bee and bring him back home. But Bee-Bee keeps
traveling through space. Then, he gets to a galaxy
which is signaling him.
Bee-Bee thinks: “That galaxy’s signaling me in
binary.” He shouts “Do you speak English?”
(The galaxy is actually the REAL God. God is female
and looks—and thinks—like Ayn Rand.)
God stops using binary and responds in English: “I
do now.” God draws Bee-Bee closer. Here’s the rest
of the dialog between them. (You’ll read it
tomorrow, right here on StupidFrogs.org.)
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 12 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.