Obama Becomes a Rodeo Clown and Fights the Fire in Yosemite
By
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Obama was getting bored with all his vacations. So
was Michelle and their two daughters. They wanted to
do something different, something daring.
Obama: Labor Day is next weekend. What are we gonna
do? This will be my 5th labor day since I became
emperor. I’m bored with my usual vacations. What can
I do that’s different? The newspapers say I’ve
played 135 rounds of golf in 5 years. I’m fed up
with golf.
Michelle: You’re just pissed off because Tiger Woods
tried to correct your swing in Palm Beach when Malia
and Sasha and I went skiing in Aspen. Your ego is as
big as your ears! I’m bored, too. I’m tired of
Martha’s Vineyard, Spain, and Africa. Botswana and
Senegal really suck! And don’t get me started on
Hawaii! Booor-rrring! How did you survive there when
you were a kid?
Obama: Lots and lots and lots of pakalolo in the
Choom-mobile with my old buddies Bobby Titcomb and
Mike Ramos. You know, weed!
Malia: Mommy’s right. Hawaii’s boring. And I’m tired
of Mexico, too, daddy. Those 25 secret service
agents you made me take with me on spring break in
2012 didn’t let me have any fun. I wanted to meet
the guy I was talking to online, and they stopped
me.
Obama: What was his name?
Malia: Carlos Danger. He said he was from Mexico
City. I really wanted to know what he looked like.
He was a real show-off, but for some reason I never
saw his face.
Sasha: Good thing! You’re so naïve. What did he show
you?
Malia just blushes.
Michelle: Here’s an idea—why don’t you do something
macho for
a change? Remember
Tuffy Gessling, that rodeo clown in Missouri
who wore a mask with your face? You went
trick-or-treating with Malia in 2012 wearing a Mitt
Romney mask. Why don’t you try being a rodeo clown
at the Colorado State Fair in Pueblo? It’s going on
right now. It ends on Labor Day. Or maybe ride a
bronco with the Romney mask on. You can unveil
yourself at the end—if you stay on the horse, that
is!
Obama: That’s a great idea. But that’s too soon.
Gotta get in training. Do I still have that
mechanical bull you gave me for Christmas a couple
of years ago?
The one I nicknamed Hillary?
Michelle: Yeah, it’s around here someplace,
collecting dust.
Why did you name it Hillary anyway?
Obama: Because it smelled bad. I thought it was full
of shit and you bought it for me as a joke. A pretty
good name, huh?
Obama trains for a couple of weeks. He even takes
Hillary the mechanical bull with him on Air
Force One to Martha’s Vineyard, Palm Beach, Hawaii,
and Chicago. Finally, he thinks he’s ready. He calls
a family meeting.
Obama: Well, I think I’m pretty good now. I missed
the Colorado State Fair, though. I think I’ll do my
bronco-busting at the Texas State Fair in Dallas
during the big weekend when Oklahoma plays Texas at
the Cotton Bowl. That’s October 12.
Sasha: That’s a long time to wait. Why don’t you do
something macho in the meantime?
Malia: Yeah, let’s all go to Vegas for a weekend. We
can all go zip-gliding. I’ve been reading a lot
about SlotZilla at the Fremont Street Experience
downtown. We can get it closed down, and all four of
us can do it over and over and over.
Michelle: What’s SlotZilla?
Malia: It’s a 12-story slot machine in downtown Las
Vegas.
Obama: Let’s go. What’s another $100 million to the
taxpayers? I’m the emperor, we’re the royal family,
and they’re already used to paying for our lavish
vacations.
Michelle: Yeah, let them eat cake.
So off they go to Vegas. They have fun at SlotZilla.
Michelle almost falls off and gets a few bruises.
But they’re quickly bored again. Another family
conference.
Obama: We’re here in Vegas. Wanna go to the Grand
Canyon or Yellowstone National Park? They’re pretty
close by.
Michelle: Naw. We did that in the summer of 2009.
Nothing special.
Sasha: Hey, there’s a big wildfire going on in
Yosemite National Park. That’s right next door in
California.
Obama: Yeah, it’s a biggie!
Michelle: I’ve got an idea. You think you’re so
macho. You even had hair implants on your chest
because your old gay buddies Reggie Love and Kal
Penn thought you’d be sexier that way. Why not go to
Yosemite and fight the fire yourself? Don’t just
inspect it. You’ll look like a sissy that way. Get
right into the middle of the action.
Malia: Yeah, daddy. Do it. I just love being close
to those big, rugged, macho firefighters. The hell
with Carlos Danger!
Obama: Let’s go. I’ll even jump into the fire from a
helicopter. I can do anything! Remember what I said
on June 4, 2008, “This was the moment when the rise
of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to
heal.”
Sasha: Daddy, make sure you wear your Mitt Romney
mask when you jump. Then when you get on the ground,
you can take it off in triumph!
Michelle: Yeah, a great photo opportunity. The
secret service guys can jump with you and photograph
you from all angles while you’re falling in the
parachute.
So the whole gang heads for Yosemite. Obama makes
the jump with five secret servicemen taking videos.
Does Obama’s chute open? Does his charisma put out
the Yosemite fire? Does his ego put out the fire? Is
he burned to death? Is he
really able to slow the rise of the oceans and begin to heal the
planet? Or is he just a lying egomaniac? Does he
ride a bronco at the Texas State Fair? Will Texas
beat Oklahoma? Write your own ending, dear readers.
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker,
trainer, and author of 12 books, including
The Way of
the Warrior in Business,
Guerrilla
Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and
365 Powerful Ways to Influence.
Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from
365
Powerful Ways—along with 400
countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics,
92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16
submissive ones to get what you want from other
people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31
tactics to prepare you for your interaction with
them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at
www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online
Negotiation Poker game by going to
GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.