Michell Plots to Divorce Obama the Post Turtle While He's Fulfilling His Duty in Saudi Arabia - A Fractured Fairy Tale - Part 2

By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
Donaled Hendon.com

Here’s what happened in yesterday’s Fractured Fairy Tale: Michelle, her mother Marian, Sasha, and Malia are flying to China while Obama and his speshul-weshul guy Kal Penn are flying to Saudi Arabia so Obama can perform the Hajj, like a good Muslim. Mama Marian tries to cheer up Michelle who got the shakes thinking of the Tea Party.

Marian: Hey, Michelle, did I ever tell you this? I’ve been married twice. You never knew that, did you?

Michelle (shocked): No!

Marian: There’s more. I’m my own grandmaw.

Michelle: What?

Marian starts singing: Well, many years ago, when I was 23,

I was married to a widower. A white guy, not Fraser, your father.

Michelle: You know I hate white people.

Marian: Don’t interrupt! That white guy was handsome as could be.

He had a grown-up daughter, Brenda. She had hair of red.

My dad fell in love with her. Pretty soon they were wed.

Think about it, Michelle. That made my dad my son-in-law.

And this really changed my life.

Because now his red-headed daughter Brenda was my mother.

Because she was my dad’s wife.

And to complicate things, I soon became the mother of a bouncing baby girl—Susan!

My little baby Susan then became a sister-in-law to dad.

And so Susan became my aunt. And this made me very sad.

For if Susan was my aunt, then that also made her the sister…

Of the widower’s grown-up daughter Brenda.

Who was, of course, my step-mother.

My dad’s wife Brenda then had a son. They named him Tom.

And Tom became my grandson, for he was my daughter Susan’s son.

My husband was now my mother’s father. And it makes me blue.

Because, although he is my husband, he’s my grandfather, too.

And now, if my husband is my grandfather, then I’m his grandchild.

And every time I think of it, it nearly drives me wild.

Because now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.

As the wife of my grandfather, I’m my own grandmaw.

Mama Marian finishes by singing out loud: I’m my own grandmaw. I’m my own grandmaw. It sounds funny, I know, but it really is so. I’m my own grandmaw.

Michelle starts laughing and laughing. Mama Marian’s song really cheered her up. She tells Marian:

Yeah, I’m feeling better now. The hell with the Tea Party! 

Mama Marian turns on the TV. When she sees Nasty Nancy Pelosi, she says, “She’s had so many face-lifts, it looks like her face has been shrink-wrapped.”

Then, MSNBC commentator Rachel Maddow comes on with breaking news: “This just in! Obama just signed another executive order. He’s ordered that his face replaces Lincoln’s face on Mount Rushmore.”

Then, the smirk leaves her face. She says: You know, I’m fed up with Obama. I actually agree with Ann Coulter for a change. This guy would have been impeached a long ago if he wasn’t America’s first black president. He’s incompetent. He’s greedy—he’s spent over $1 billion on vacations over the last six years. The Spanish language version of the Obamacare site, CuidadoDeSalud.gov has so many translation mistakes, it should be called Pendejo.gov! Hell, “monthly payment” came out as “female cousin!”

She goes on: And his scandals make me sick—Benghazi, Fast and Furious, IRS spying, NSA spying, spending $10 billion on vacations over the last six years. He gets $100,000 just to go to the toilet, for God’s sakes! Plus, for a gay guy, he has no sense of fashion. He looks ridiculous in those high-waisted, shapeless mom jeans! Anybody else for impeachment?

Michelle starts to cry again. This time, Sasha, Malia, and mama Marian join in.

Malia: What are we gonna do? I’d like daddy to become Emperor. I’d love to live in the White House for the rest of my life! Even with its lousy weather, it’s better than living in boring Hawaii!

Michelle: Guess I’ll start divorce proceedings when I get back to Washington. I’ve got spies! I know Barry wants to divorce me, too. Especially now that it’s legal for gay people to get married!

Sasha: How do you know daddy wants to divorce you, mommy? 

Michelle: Because when he met with French President Francoise Hollande at Monticello in February, he asked him for advice on divorce.

Sasha: Why would daddy ask the French guy that, mommy?

Michelle: Because he had just separated from his girlfriend, Valerie Trierweller.

Mama Marian: I don’t think Barry asks anybody for advice. He’s power-mad. He thinks he can do anything! Remember what he said the other day? “That’s the good thing about being president—I can do anything I want!”

Can Barry really do anything he wants? Or are there severe consequences for his actions in the near future? Find out in a future Fractured Fairy Tale!

Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon