Michell Plots to Divorce Obama the Post Turtle While He's Fulfilling His Duty in Saudi Arabia - A Fractured Fairy Tale - Part 1
Donaled Hendon.com
It’s the middle of March. Barack and Michelle are
arguing as usual.
Michelle: I wanna get out of Washington. I’m fed up
with the cold weather—and fed up with you!
Barry: I’m fed up, too. I’m going to Saudi Arabia. I
don’t care where
you go.
Michelle: I’d like to go to China. Beijing and
Chengdu. It’s warm there, too, just like in Riyadh.
Barry: Why don’t you just go to hell! It’s
very warm
there. What excuse will you use to go to China?
Michelle: Who cares? I’ll talk to students about
American values, whatever that means. I’ll take mama
with me.
Barry: Great! I can’t stand that Maria!
Michelle: Her name’s Marian.
Barry: Who cares!
Michelle: Whatcha gonna do in Saudi?
Barry: Well, I’ve never made the Hajj Pilgrimage to
Mecca. As a Muslim, I’ve gotta do that at least
once
in my life!
Michelle: Hey, stupid, the Hajj this year is the
first week of October. You should know that! You may
be above
American law, but you’re not above
Muslim
law!
Barry: No sweat. I’ll give the royal family a few
billion dollars to change the date of the Hajj. I’ll
just take it out of petty cash.
Time passes. It’s the middle of March. Michelle,
Malia, Sasha, and mama Marian Robinson are on the
plane to China, while Barry and his speshul-weshul
guy Kal Penn fly to Saudi Arabia. Michelle’s playing
an old song. Her eyes fill with tears as she hears
Nancy Wilson sing:
You're so late getting home from the office
Did you miss your train?
Where you caught in the rain?
No, don't bother to explain
Can I fix you a quick martini?
As a matter of fact
I'll have one with you
For to tell you the truth
I've had quite a day too
Guess who I saw today, my dear
I went in town to shop around for something new
And thought I'd stop and have a bite when I was
through
The waiter showed me to a dark, secluded corner
And when my eyes became accustomed to the gloom
I saw two people at the bar who were so in love
That even I could spot it clear across the room
Guess who I saw today, my dear
I've never been so shocked before
I headed blindly through the door
They didn't see me passing through
Guess who I saw today?
I saw you!
Sasha: Why do you play that song so often, mommy?
You always cry when you hear it.
Michelle: Well, I never told you this before. But I
guess you’re old enough to know the truth. That
actually happened to me—I saw daddy with his
boyfriend at a restaurant. That’s when I first found
out he’s gay.
Mama Marian chimes in: Why don’t you just divorce
the guy?
Michelle: And give up this lifestyle? Hell, no! I’m
not giving it up. Maybe in January 2017 after he’s
no longer President.
Mama Marian: I thought you told me he’s going to
declare himself Emperor before then! I know my
son-in-law. He’ll do
anything
to hang on to power. I just don’t understand it!
I’ve never seen anybody so incompetent! The only guy
more incompetent than Barry is that snake-handling
preacher who died after getting bitten by a snake at
the Full Gospel Tabernacle in Middlesboro, Kentucky,
last month.
Michelle: Yeah, Barry screws up everything he does
as President! How can he even
think of
being president after his eight years is up?
Malia: I know why he thinks he’ll still be
president. It’s because most Americans are
stupid! I
read a few days ago that one in four Americans don’t
even know the earth revolves around the sun.
Sasha: Yeah, but most Americans know there are 50
states, not 57!
Mama Marian: I know why he wants to hang on to
power. He told me once, “I’m worried about legal
bills after I’m out of office. I’ll be sued right
and left for breaking the law—I’ve broken the law
over 700 times since I became president. I don’t
want to end up like George Zimmerman—out of work,
homeless, suffering from post-traumatic stress
disorder, and owing millions of dollars to lawyers.”
Michelle: Billions, actually! Well, when
that
happens, it won’t affect
me! I’ll
divorce him as soon as he’s out of office. He’s too
clueless and incompetent to stay in office after two
terms. He’s like a post turtle.
Mama Marian: What’s a post turtle? And why is Barry
like a post turtle?
Sasha: I know the answer to
that one!
A post turtle is a turtle sitting on top of a fence
post. You know he didn’t get up there by himself. He
doesn’t belong up there. He doesn’t know what to do
while he’s up there. He’s elevated beyond his
ability to function. And you just wonder what kind
of dumb ass put him up there to begin with!
Michelle: Yeah, there sure are a lot of dumb-ass
Americans!
Mama Marian: Except in the Tea Party!
Michelle starts shivering at the very thought of the
Tea Party. What does mama Marian do to cheer her up?
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s Fractured Fairy Tale.
Copyright (c) 2014 by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 14 books, including The Way of the Warrior in Business, Guerrilla Deal-Making (with Jay Conrad Levinson) and 365 Powerful Ways to Influence. Jay Levinson recently passed away. He specifically chose Don to be his final co-author—the person most qualified to carry the torch of guerrilla marketing into the 21st century. Deal-Making contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 winning countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play Don’s free online Negotiation Poker game by going to GuerrillaDon.com. Apps will soon be available.