Michelle Cheers Up Cry-Baby Obama with Clueless Joe Biden Jokes

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

After his disastrous state of the union address, Obama was crying. He said to her, “The only way I could be less popular is if I pardoned Ariel Castro posthumously.” His wife tried to cheer him up. She said, “Hey, look on the bright side. If Clueless Joe runs for president in 2016 and gets elected, people will stop ridiculing you—they’ll ridicule him instead.”

But Obama was still crying. So Michelle showed him a picture of retiring California congressman Henry Waxman. She thought to herself, “Barry always thinks he looks like an evil Mr. Potato Head. And he laughs whenever he sees him.” But she didn’t want to invite Waxman to the White House. She thought for a while, and finally said, “Hey, let’s tell Joe Biden jokes.” Obama liked the idea.

Here are a few of the jokes Michelle told her depressed husband:

Biden’s really cheap. How cheap is he? Well, he hangs used toilet paper on his clothes line. And he’s too cheap to wash his underwear that often. How does he know which side goes in front? Simple—the brown spot’s in back, and the yellow spot’s in front.

Biden’s taste in clothing began early. When he was a kid, he wore the same pair of socks every day. His mom finally told him to put on a new pair of socks every day. Five days later, he couldn’t put his shoes on—too many socks. And his shoes have TGIF on them—“Toes go in first.”

Later on, he worked at the M&M plant as a quality control inspector. He got fired, because he kept throwing out all the W’s.

Biden was taking his wife to Disney World. He saw a road sign saying “Disney World Left.” So he turned around and went back to Delaware.

Biden saw a sign that said “Wet cement.” So he did.

Biden goes into a drug store to buy a $5 pack of condoms. At the cash register, the clerk says, “That will be $5.40 with tax.” The astonished Biden says, “Tacks? I didn’t know that’s how they stay on.”

What do you do when Biden throws a grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back to him.

Biden sees a big German Shepard licking his balls. He says to his wife Neilla, “Gee, I wish I could do that. You never do it.” Neilla answers, “If you pet the dog real nice, he might let you lick his balls.

Biden had a horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was worried about being trampled to death. But the Wal-Mart manager came out and unplugged the horse in time.

Before he went into politics, Biden won a gold medal at the Olympics. He liked it so much, he decided to get it bronzed.

Don’t let Biden get on an escalator. The last time he was on one, it stalled—just before closing time. He almost starved to death, waiting for somebody to rescue him. And he couldn’t call 911 because he couldn’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.

Why does Biden keep a coat hanger in the back seat of his car? In case he locks the keys in his car. And once he got locked out of his car—he spent 2 hours trying to get his wife and kids out.  

How does Biden practice safe sex? He gets rid of all the animals that kick.  

Biden asks his girlfriend, “Why is it every time I go out with you, I end up spending hundreds of dollars?” She replies, “Because I’m a prostitute.”

When Biden’s wife gave birth to twins, he demanded to know who the other man was.

Biden was really worried about getting AIDS. So he practiced abstinence and wore a condom.

Biden originally wanted to be a famous inventor. But he gave up when he couldn’t figure out how to make a solar-powered flashlight.

But nothing worked. Obama was still crying. Michelle was almost ready to give up. Then, Sasha and Malia came into the room. They tried to cheer their daddy up with these two zingers—jokes with both Clueless Joe and their father in them. Here they are:

How does Obama keep Biden busy? He puts Biden into a round room and orders him to piss in a corner.

How does Obama keep Biden busy? He writes “Please turn over” on both sides of a sheet of paper and gives it to Clueless Joe. 

These stupid jokes worked! Obama broke into his famous phony Jimmy Carter smile and started flapping his ears. The breeze he created was stronger than usual. The whole family knew he was finally over his depression…at least until his next major speech. Where? You guessed it—in Fabulous Las Vegas, as usual. The Institute for Brain Potential Seminar the weekend of February 14-16. The whole family wanted to tag along to see if attending it would make Obama smarter. Did it? Or didn’t it? Stay tuned for my next fractured fairy tale. Hint: It will happen at the site Obama chose as the site of his Presidential Library—Dubai in the United Arab Emirates.

Copyright (c) 2014