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Will The
John J. Wall: Law Student
Dear American liberals, leftists, social
progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters,
We've stuck together since the late 1950s, but the whole of
this
latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce. I
know that we tolerated each other for
many years for the sake of
future generations, but sadly this
relationship has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of
agree on what's right. So let's just end
it right now while we can do
it on friendly terms. We can smile,
shake hands, chalk it up to
irreconcilable differences and each go our own way.
So here's a model separation agreement.
Our two groups can equitably divide up
the country by land mass,
each
taking a portion. That's going to be the
difficult part, but I'm sure
our two sides can come to a friendly
agreement. After that, it should
be relatively easy. Our respective
representatives can effortlessly
divide other assets since both sides
have such distinct and disparate
taste. We don't like redistributive
taxes so you can have those. You
are welcome to the liberal judges and
the ACLU. And since you hate
guns and you hate war, we'll take the
firearms, the cops, the NRA and
the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell.
But you are going to be responsible for
finding a biodiesel vehicle
big enough to haul them around.
We'll keep the capitalism, the greedy
corporations, the
pharmaceutical companies; we will keep
Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You
can have the homeless, the homeboys, the
hippies and illegal aliens.
We will keep the hot Alaskan hockey
moms, the greedy CEOS, and all of
the rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and
we'll let you have NBC and
You can be nice to
invade and hammer anybody that threatens
us. You can have the
peaceniks and the war protesters. When
our allies or our way of life
are under assault, we will provide them
with security. You won't have
to worry about it. We will keep our
Judeo-Christian values. You are
welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism
and Shirley Maclaine. You can
also have the UN, but we will no longer
pay the bill.
We will keep the SUVs, the pickup trucks and
the oversize luxury
cars. You can have the compacts, the
subcompacts and every Subaru
station wagon you can find. You can give
everybody healthcare, if you
can find any practicing doctors. We will
continue to believe that
healthcare is a privilege and not a
right. We will keep "The Battle
Hymn of the Republic" and the
national anthem, and I am sure you will
be happy to substitute in their place
"Imagine." I'd like to teach the
world to sing "Kumbaya"
or "We are the world." We will practice
trickle-down economics and you can give
trickle-up poverty your best
shot. And since it so offends you, we
will keep our history, our name
and our flag.
Would you agree to this? If so, please
pass it along other
like-minded liberal and conservative
patriots. And if you do not
agree, just hit delete. In the friendly
spirit of parting, I'll bet
you ANWAR which one of us will need
whose help in about 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J Wall
Law student and an American