The Real Reason Obama Pardoned Illegals:
Another Fractured Fairy Tale
By
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
Late at night on June 15, Obama, Attorney General
Eric Holder, and New York congressman Charlie Rangel
are smoking joints in the Choomobile, a 1968 VW Bus
that the Secret Service installed on the front lawn
of Obama’s Camp David mansion.
(See my fractured fairy tale of May 28, 2012
here on Stupid Frogs.)
Obama is depressed and doesn’t have on his
phony Jimmy Carter smile for a change.
He sighs deeply and says, “I’m gonna lose in
November.
I can feel it in my bones.”
Charlie Rangel pulls out a deck of 78 Tarot cards
and says, “Maybe yes and maybe no.
Let’s see what the cards say.”
He shuffles them, lays them face-down on a
small table in the middle of the VW Bus and chooses
one.
Sure enough, it’s the Death Card.
Obama starts to cry.
“Guys, I don’t want to give up this lavish
lifestyle.
I like being a celebrity.
I like being above the law.
What am I gonna do?”
Holder begins to think.
“Barry, I made sure you weren’t prosecuted
for breaking the law before.
You broke the campaign finance law last year
when you filmed the “Win a Dinner with Barack” ad in
the White House.
You broke the law in April when you didn’t
tell Congress about the counterterrorism operation
that stopped an underwear bomber.
You broke the law when you gave money to push
legalized abortion in Kenya.
Why not break the law again?
This time, do something big that will make
sure you get re-elected!
Forget about that mickey mouse stuff.
I’ll make sure I won’t prosecute you.
And you can pardon yourself—and me—on your
last day in office in January 2017!
And don’t forget to pardon me for letting
Border Patrol agent Brian Terry get killed in the
Fast and Furious thing.
His family is suing us for $25 million, and I
don’t want to get stuck with the bill.
”
Obama:
Sounds a lot better than January 2013.
But what exactly do you mean?
Holder:
Give amnesty to illegal aliens—most of them are from
Mexico.
They’ll vote for you big-time in Florida, and you
can’t win Florida without them.
The hell with article 1 section 8 of the
constitution.
Who cares that only congress has the power to
establish rules of naturalization!
You’re el jefe, el presidente—you’re above
the law!
Rangel:
Hold on, Holder!
My district is becoming more and more Latino,
less black.
I may lose my June 26 primary to that
Dominicano guy, Adriano Espaizlat.
I don’t need no more stinkin’ Latinos,
especially those who can vote!
What will I do then?
I’ve been livin’ the good life since 1971
when I beat that other crook Adam Clayton Powell.
Holder:
Don’t sweat it, Charlie.
You were censured by the House in 2010 for
ethical violations, and you’re still livin’ the good
life.
American voters are stupid!
If they weren’t stupid, Barry here wouldn’t
have been elected in the first place.
Obama:
Let me think about it.
I’m too high to make a decision right now.
See you tomorrow.
Obama goes to bed and thinks, “I wish Michelle were
here tonight.
Wonder where she is—probably partying
somewhere.
She’ll hate to give up this lifestyle, too,
and she’ll make my life miserable after I get
defeated.
I hope she divorces me—she almost did in
2000.”
Before falling asleep, he reads some of Marco
Rubio’s book, “An American Son:
A Memoir,” and thinks, “Gee, this is so much
better than the crap I wrote in
Dreams from My
Father.”
He falls asleep with the book in his hands,
and sure enough, is awoken at the stroke of 12 by a
spirit who looks like John Kerry.
Obama:
John, what are you doing here?
Kerry-Spirit:
I’m here to help you decide about giving
amnesty to illegal aliens.
Before dawn, you will be visited by three
spirits—the Ghost of Elections Past, the Ghost of
Elections Present, and the Ghost of Elections
Future.
Obama:
Don’t go, John.
I’d like to talk to you about being Romney’s
stand-in when I prepare for my debates against him.
Kerry-spirit:
Gee, thanks, Barry.
Romney’s so much better-looking than I
am—even my wife thinks I look like a basset hound.
Obama falls asleep, and the ghosts start to visit.
At 1 a.m., the Ghost of Elections Past shows up.
Obama:
Hey, you’re Bill Clinton.
Give me a joint, Bill.
Clinton-spirit:
No time for that now.
Let’s go on a different kind of trip.
Cllinton takes Obama to the Massachusetts homes of
his illegal alien uncle Onyango (Omar) Obama and his
illegal alien aunt Zeituni Onyango.
Omar is drunk as usual and is incoherent.
He says, “At least I haven’t crashed into any
police cars lately.”
Aunt Zeituni tells Obama, “Barry, you have
the obligation to make me a citizen.
When are you gonna do it?”
Before dropping Obama off in bed, Clinton-spirit
says “Remember, if you give amnesty to illegal
aliens, you’ll get your uncle and your aunt off your
back.”
Obama falls asleep again, and at the stroke of 2,
the Ghost of Elections Present shows up.
Obama:
Hey, you’re George Bush.
How’s life in Dallas?
Bush-spirit:
Pretty dull.
I wish I were back in the White House.
But I was there 8 years, and Laura doesn’t
want to run for office.
Hey, maybe you can get Michelle to run for
President after you get defeated in November.
Obama:
You’re sure I’ll get defeated in November?
Bush-spirit:
Not if you follow Holder’s advice.
Hey, Barry, all I can do is take you to
Dallas and show you around my house.
That’s pretty dull.
Why not go back to sleep and wait for the
Ghost of Elections Future?
Bush-spirit leaves and Obama falls asleep again.
At the stroke of 3, the Ghost of Elections
Future shows up.
Obama:
Hey, you’re Jimmy Carter.
How come you’re not smiling?
Carter-spirit:
I forgot.
It’s easy to turn on and off.
You do that, too.
How’s this?
Carter-spirit puts on his famous phony Jimmy Carter
smile, grinning ear-to-ear like a hillbilly banjo
player on the old show Hee-Haw.
Obama:
Too phony, even for me.
I can do a lot better than that.
See?
Obama puts on his phony Barack Obama smile. It lasts for 5 seconds, then he bursts into tears again.
Carter-spirit:
Don’t cry, Barry.
I can see into the future.
One future—Romney will beat you big-time
because you’re a loser.
Another future—you’ll win, but only if you
follow Holder’s advice.
Give illegal aliens amnesty.
You need the Latino vote.
Obama and Carter-spirit talk for about a half hour
and then Obama falls asleep again.
The next morning, June 16, Obama wakes up and
remembers the 3 spirits.
He says to himself, “Was it a dream?
It seemed so real.”
Then he shrugs, puts on his phony smile and
holds a rare press conference.
He says:
I’m violating the constitution again and ordering
the Department of Homeland Security to declare that
illegal aliens up to the age of 30, who arrived in
the US before they turned 16, and who have been in
the US for at least 5 years are immune for
deportation.
Too late for Uncle Omar and Auntie Zeituni,
but right in time for the November elections.
This will affect 800,000 young illegal
immigrants, and I’ll win Florida!
I don’t give a damn if Adriano Espaizlat
beats Charlie Rangel, and I still don’t give a damn
that Doctor Shakil Afridi is in jail for 33 years in
Pakistan for helping me find and kill Obama bin
Laden…er, I mean Osama bin Laden.
He closes with this statement:
I’m inviting my half-sisters Maya and Auma
and my half-brothers Malik, Abo, Bernard, Mark,
David, and George to the White House.
I’ll give them a place to stay and make sure
they aren’t deported, even if they’re all over 30.
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a
speaker-author-trainer-consultant.
He has written 7 books, including
365 Powerful
Ways to Influence and the forthcoming
Guerrilla
Deal-Making which contains the 100 most powerful
influence-persuasion-negotiation techniques—and over
400 counter-measures.
In those books, you learn to use 121
aggressive tactics, 92 defensive tactics, 24
cooperative tactics, 16 submissive tactics, and 81
dirty tricks to get what you want from other
people—plus 31 tactics to prepare you for your
interaction with them.
Learn more about Don’s books at
www.donaldhendon.com.
Guerrilla Deal-Making is now available for
pre-sales orders at Amazon.com.
Read these 5 other politically-oriented Fractured
Fairy Tales by Don on Stupid Frogs:
May 28, 2012:
Obama, the Bisexual Gay Pothead—Another
Fractured Fairy Tale
June 8, 2011:
When Charlie Sheen Met Anthony Weiner, John
Edwards, Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, and Barack
Obama: Another Fractured Fairy Tale
May 6, 2011:
When Obama Met Charlie Sheen: A Fractured
Fairy Tale
August 2, 2010:
A Fractured Fairy Tale:
When Losing Democrats Hold a Reunion in 2011
June 16, 2010:
When Obama Met BP’s CEO Tony Hayward: A
Fractured Fairy Tale
And watch for future fractured fairy tales by Don,
including these six:
Obama declares himself Emperor.
Obama goes after the
prison
vote by pardoning convicts, except the guy from
Texas Keith Judd who won 40% of the West Virginia
Democratic primary election against Obama.
Obama goes after the
stupid
vote by dumping Biden and making Alvin Greene (the
South Carolina guy who ran against Jim DeMint in
2010) his VP running mate.
Romney and Obama debate at the Mormon Temple
in Salt Lake City and in Jeremiah Wright’s Trinity
United Church of Christ in Chicago.
Obama kisses Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s ass
Reagan’s ghost visits Obama