In God We Trust

Obama Tricks-or-Treats Wearing a Mitt Romney Mask - A Fractured Fairy Tale

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

It’s Halloween Day, 2012. 2 pm in Washington. Obama is depressed. He’s fed up with the campaign. He figures he’s too far behind in the polls to win, so he decides to take a day off. He’s got a good excuse—Hurricane Sandy and all the flooding is dominating the news. But instead of flying to the hard-hit areas, his natural laziness takes over, and he flies to Beverly Hills instead with Sasha and Malia. Here’s what happened when he told his daughters they’re all going to California.

Sasha: What are we gonna do in Beverly Hills, daddy?

Obama: I’m taking you and Malia trick-or-treating. In the richest neighborhood in sunny California. No flooding out there. Lots of rich folks, too.

Malia: Wow! Beverly Hills! I’ll bet we get some really good treats there. Last year, we trick-or-treated in that terrible Anacostia neighborhood. I didn’t get any treats at all—too many poor people. I’m glad we’re not trick-or-treating in Southeast Washington again this year.

Sasha: I wanted to go to Georgetown, remember? Lots of rich people there!

Obama: Yeah, I made a big mistake last year. But I’m gonna make up for it this year, kids. I even bought costumes for you to wear. Sasha, you put on this Big Bird costume. Malia, you put on this Kermit the Frog costume. We gotta show our support for Sesame Street!

Malia: What are you gonna wear, daddy?

Obama: I’m wearing a Mitt Romney mask.

Sasha: I’ve been doing some studying, daddy. It costs $180,000 per hour to operate Air Force One.

Malia: Where did you get that, smarty-pants? Fox News?

Sasha: Nope. ABC News.

Obama: So it costs $180,000 per hour. So what? We’re the royal family of America. It takes 5 hours to fly to California and 5 hours back. That’s around $2 million dollars! We’re worth it!

Sasha: Daddy, even in Beverly Hills, I know I’m not going to get $2 million dollars worth of treats. Let’s do this instead—stay here, and give Malia and me $1 million each? I can buy lots and lots of dresses with a million dollars! 

Obama: No, girls, we’re flying to Beverly Hills. Right now. Here’s your costumes. You can them on after you get on the plane.

Malia: Is Mommy coming with us?

Obama: No, she’s going back to Chicago. She’s gonna trick-or-treat in our old neighborhood. But she’s going to skip Bill Ayer’s house this year. All he ever gives out at Halloween are autographed copies of Dreams from My Father.

Sasha: Didn’t you write that book, daddy?

Obama smiles and ignores her question.

Sasha thinks to herself, “Gee, that’s so typical! He ignores our questions just like he ignores questions at his few news conferences.”

On the plane, Sasha and Malia argue.

Malia: Why are you so greedy, Sasha? We don’t need a million dollars.

Sasha: Yes, we do. Daddy’s gonna lose the election next week, and we won’t be the First Family anymore.

Malia: Don’t worry, Sasha. I’m getting 5 million dollars in a couple of days, and I’m gonna share it with you, fifty-fifty. But you can’t tell daddy or mommy.

Sasha: How are you gonna get 5 million dollars?

Malia: I found daddy’s college transcripts and application and his passport application. I’m going to give them to Donald Trump.

Sasha: You’d better not. You know daddy doesn’t want anybody to know he was born in Kenya.

Eventually, Air Force One arrives at the Los Angeles airport. The Obamas get into a limousine and drive to Beverly Hills. They start knocking on doors. But they get a lot of doors slammed in their face because of Obama’s Romney mask. So he switches to Plan B. He puts on an Elvis suit and wears an Obama mask. Much better results, everywhere, especially at Barbra Streisand’s house. She gave caviar and matzo balls to everybody who knocked on her door. Morbidly obese Michael Moore was the worst. He just had lap-band surgery to lose weight, and he gave out diet pills to everybody.

Then things got really, really nasty at Lindsay Lohan’s house. Here’s what happened: 

Lindsay answers the door herself. She comes to the door with a marijuana cigarette hanging out of her mouth and a half-empty bottle of tequila in her hand. She’s drunk as a skunk. Two hunky dancers from Chippendales are with her.

Lindsay: Wanna join the party?

Obama: Maybe. But you don’t know who I am. I could be Mitt Romney wearing an Obama mask.

Lindsay: Take it off. Take it all off! Let me see what’s under there.

Obama: Get back in the car, kids. I’m gonna be here for a while.

A couple of hours later, Obama gets back in the limousine.

Sasha: What did Lindsay Lohan give us, daddy?

Obama: She was too busy giving me goodies, she forgot to give me any candy bars for you. Sorry. I can’t go back. I made a fool of myself in there.

Malia: What did you do in there, daddy?

Obama: You’re too young to know these things.

After a quick stop at Neil Patrick Harris’ house, they head back to the airport.

Back on the plane, Obama and the kids pig out on Halloween candy, then fall asleep. Obama has this dream:

The ghost of Elvis floats into the Oval Office. Obama’s got two buckets of Chick fil-A in his lap.

Elvis: Hey, Barry, why don’t you give up that fried chicken? Try what I always ate—peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Obama: Chick fil-A showed up long after you died, Elvis. I tried a peanut butter and banana sandwich once. Didn’t like it at all.

Elvis: You didn’t build that—not the right way.

Obama: You know, Elvis, I’ve always wanted to trick-or-treat in all 57 states. Hasn’t happened yet. I need inspiration from you. Tell me stories about what you did on Halloween when you were alive. I’ll learn a lot from The King.

Elvis: You called me The King! Thank you. Thank you very much!

Obama: We make a good team—you’re The King, and I’ll soon be The Emperor.

What inspirational stories did Elvis’ ghost tell Obama? You’ll learn about it in a future Fractured Fairy Tale. Hint: It involves horses, battleships, and bayonets.

 Copyright (c) 2012


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of ten books, including 365 Powerful Ways to Influence and the forthcoming Guerrilla Deal-Making. Deal-Making, co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson, is now available for pre-purchase on Amazon.com. It contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to www.DonaldHendon.com/NegotiationPoker. Apps will soon be available.