In God We Trust

Obama Goes to Hell—a Fractured Fairy Tale

 

By Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com

After his disastrous third debate with Mitt Romney, Obama cries himself to sleep. He’s comforted by gay actor Kal Penn, his former Associate Director of the White House Office of Pubic Engagement. They smoke pot and they start snuggling together. Obama’s well-worn copy of Rules for Radicals, written by Saul Alinsky in 1971, is on the night stand. So are a dozen half-smoked marijuana cigarettes.

After they fall asleep, there’s a loud knock on the door. Obama thinks to himself, “What does the Secret Service want with me now? Hope it’s an October Surprise I can exploit. I need something big. If I don’t figure out something soon, I’ll lose the election on November 6.” He starts walking toward the door. Even though he’s half-asleep, his trademark swaggering walk is unmistakable.

Obama opens the door. The ghost of Obama’s mentor Saul Alinsky, the scumbag who wrote Rules for Radicals, Obama’s bible, is there. So is Lucifer himself. They go everywhere together. That’s been going on ever since Alinsky dedicated his bible for community organizers to Lucifer.

Obama: What are you guys doing here?

Aslinsky’s mouth moves, but the voice comes from Lucifer himself. Alinsky-Satan says: We’re here to take you on a tour of your new home in Hell. I’ve created a Presidential Suite, just for you.

Obama: Which layer of Hell will I be living in?

Alinsky-Lucifer: As you know, there are 9 layers. The deeper the layer, the deeper the sins. So it was a toss-up between Layer 8, the home of Liars, or Layer 9, the home of Traitors. So I created a two-story Presidential Suite. You’re in both layers 8 and 9.

Obama: Make sure my Presidential Suite is big enough for my ego. After all, I’m the biggest celebrity in the world. I’m used to being catered to.

Alinsky-Lucifer, stabbing Obama in his ass with a big pitchfork: Oh, boy, are you in for a shock! You’re going to do the catering. But the suite is damned big. In fact, it’s the biggest suite in Hell.  

Obama: That’s good. I’m used to nothing but the biggest and the best!

Alinsky-Lucifer: Hey, dummy, the bigger the suite, the more you’ll be tormented. Are you a masochist or something?

Big puff of smoke! Obama, Alinsky, and Lucifer find themselves in Hell. The terrible trio float between the 8th and 9th levels. Obama is puzzled. He asks: “Hey, folks, what are those three suites? They’re named Moe, Larry, and Curly. How come the Three Stooges are in Hell? I watch them every chance I get.

Alinsky-Lucifer: I picked those names myself. They’re named for the Legislative, Judicial, and Executive branches of government. Politicians and lawyers are interred there.

Obama: How many politicians and lawyers are in those suites now?

Alinsky-Lucifer: Almost all of them. Since the beginning of time.

Obama: Who’s not there?

Alinsky-Lucifer: George Washington, most of the Founding Fathers. You know, the good guys! They’re in heaven.

Obama begins to worry. Stammering, he says, “Hey, folks, this is only a guided tour, isn’t it? I’m not really going to Hell, am I? This is just to scare me into changing my ways, isn’t it? Sort of like
Uncle Scrooge in A Christmas Carol. Hey, I’ll bet you’re really the ghost of Christmas Past in disguise.”

Alinsky-Lucifer, laughing: It’s Ebenezer Scrooge, dummy! Uncle Scrooge is Donald Duck’s uncle! And do I look like a mere ghost? I’m Lucifer himself. You better not mess with me. As Ricky Nelson used to say, “I don’t mess around, boy!” Then, he jabs Obama in the ass again with his pitchfork.

Obama: Folks, this two-story suite ain’t that big. I deserve something much, much bigger. After all, I still am the biggest celebrity the world has ever seen!

Alinsky-Lucifer: What an ego! You’re just a two-bit politician who got lucky. Let me tell you something that that will take you down a peg or two. You’re gonna share the Presidential Suite with 22 roommates. We wanted you to feel at home, and that’s why we picked these people—you’ve got a lot in common with all of them!

Obama: Who are they?

Alinksy-Lucifer goes through the list:

Nidal Mailk Hasan. Khalid Al-Midhar. Majed Moqed. Nawaq Al-Hamzi. Salem Al-Hamzi. Hani Hanjour. Satam Al-Suqami. Waleed Al-Sherhi. Wail Al-Sherhi. Mohand Al-Sherhi. Mohamed Atta. Abdul-Aziz Al-Omari. Marwan Al-Shehhi. Fayez Ahmed. Ahmed Al-Ghamdi. Hamza Al-Ghamdi. Saeed Al-Ghamdi. Ahmed Al-Haznawi. Ahmed Al-Nami.

Obama: Those names sound familiar. Who are they?

Alinksy-Lucifer: Hasan is the guy at Fort Hood who killed 13 soldiers in 2009. You didn’t call him a terrorist, remember?

Obama: Oh, yeah, I forgot. Who are these other guys?

Alinsky-Lucifer: The other 19 are the guys who killed over 3,000 people in New York and Washington on September 11, 2011. Do you think these 20 guys are terrorists? 

Obama: Gee, I don’t know. Can I wait till after the election to answer that question? I can be more flexible after November 6. A lot more flexible, wink-wink!

Alinsky-Lucifer: That kind of double-talk may go over pretty good with Russia, Libya, Egypt, Syria, and the American news media. But it sure doesn’t go over with me. He jabs Obama in the ass again with his pitchfork. Then he goes on to say: “And you’re gonna have two more terrorist roommates.”

Obama: Who are they?

Alinsky-Lucifer: Guess! You know them, personally!

Obama: You don’t mean…

Alinsky-Lucifer: Yep! Bill Ayers and Bernardine Dohrn!

Big puff of smoke. Obama finds himself back in bed with Kal Penn. He says to Kal: “Hey, wake up, Kally-Wally. I had the strangest dream!”

Kal: So did I! Hey, Barry, what’s that smell? Doesn’t smell like marijuana. Is that sulfur? And what’s all that smoke in the air?

What was Kal Penn’s dream? The answer is in a future Fractured Fairy Tale.

 Copyright (c) 2012


 

Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of ten books, including 365 Powerful Ways to Influence and the forthcoming Guerrilla Deal-Making. Deal-Making, co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson, is now available for pre-purchase on Amazon.com. It contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to www.DonaldHendon.com/NegotiationPoker. Apps will soon be available.