Obama Declares Himself Emperor—A Fractured Fairy Tale
By Dr. Donald W. Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
On June 2, Obama was watching Queen Elizabeth’s
Diamond Jubilee on TV.
He became jealous.
He wished everybody in America adored him
like the British adored their Queen.
He thought, “It’s not enough for only
liberals
in
the 57 states to have a slobbering love
affair with me.
I want everybody in the world to adore me.”
That’s when he suddenly realized he hadn’t sent the
Queen a gift for her Jubilee.
Frantically, he looked through his stash of
DVDs, found a complete set of
Everybody
Hates Chris TV shows, and gave it to Felipe,
his Filipino butler.
Obama:
Felipe, get on Air Force One and deliver it to Queen
Liz in person.
Felipe:
Mr. President, are you sure you want to give the
Queen a bunch of MILF tapes?
Obama:
Oh, I gave you the wrong DVDs.
Here are the
Everybody Hates Chris DVDs.
Felipe:
Why don’t you just give her another iPad like you
did in April 2009?
Obama: I
didn’t give her an iPad—I gave her an iPod.
I don’t know why the Republicans are bitching
about my spending habits.
An iPod is $200 less than an iPad.
Felipe left, calling Obama
kuripot
under his breath.
Michelle came into the room.
“Whatcha watching, babe?”
Obama:
This whole Queen Elizabeth thing.
You know, Michelle, I’m getting jealous.
My title sucks.
It’s only Mister President.
She’s called Your Majesty.
And I’m more qualified to be President than
she is to be Queen.
She was born into the job.
I had to use Saul Alinksy’s
Rules for
Radicals to get to the top.
And that was tough!
Michelle:
What’s your favorite rule, sweetie-pie?
Obama:
So many to choose from, so little time.
I guess it’s a toss-up between ”Always be
unethical” and “Good results come from my evil
actions.”
Michelle:
What about this rule:
“Lie, especially to the news media?”
You’ve done a lot of that lately,
honey-bunny.
Obama:
You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
Wait till August 4, my 51st birthday.
I’ve got a big surprise for everybody—not
just in America, but all over the world!
Michelle:
What are you gonna give me on
my
birthday, darling-puss?
Obama:
When’s your birthday again, Michelle?
Is it January 17, June 17, or July 17?
I always get those three months with J’s
mixed up.
Michelle:
January, angel-pie.
Obama:
Hey, why are you calling me sweetie-puss,
darling-pie?
Why all the sweet talk?
Michelle:
Because I want you to give me a big present
on your
birthday, not on mine—and I don’t want one of those
cheap iPods you gave Queen Elizabeth!
Obama:
Let’s talk about your present later.
Right now, I want to let you know what the
big surprise I’ve gonna unveil to the whole world on
my birthday.
I’m tired of being called Mister President.
I’m the biggest celebrity in the world, and I
want a bigger title.
One that fits my super-celebrity status.
I’m gonna declare myself Emperor of the
United States.
And you’ll be my Empress.
An Emperor is bigger than a King, and an
Empress is bigger than a Queen.
Michelle:
How did you know what I wanted for my
birthday, darling?
I wanted you to become Emperor so I could
become Empress.
Obama:
You know, even though we’re the biggest celebrities
in the world, it just isn’t enough.
I want more.
Michelle:
Me too, baby.
Obama: You know, I never met Saul Alinsky. Wish I had. He would have been proud of me. I memorized his 11 characteristics of a good professional community organizer—no morals, big ego, arrogant, two-faced, charismatic, and so forth. That’s what it takes to be a big winner in politics.
Michelle left the room, and Obama spent the next few
days watching the celebrations in England.
He thought to himself, “Wow, the celebrations
over there lasted four days—June 2 through June 5.
My inauguration celebration lasted only one
day.” He
started to become even more jealous of the Queen.
And he started to make plans for the big
events of August 4.
But on June 25, events made Obama accelerate his
timetable.
Instead of declaring himself Emperor on
August 4, he decided to do it right away.
He found a good excuse—that day, the Supreme
Court upheld the Arizona law that allowed traffic
cops to ask speeders to prove their U.S.
citizenship.
He summoned Attorney General Eric Holder to
his office.
Obama:
Eric, what happens when a cop in Arizona finds an
illegal immigrant who is speeding?
Holder:
The cops turn them over to the Department of
Homeland Security.
Or to ICE, Immigration and Customs
Enforcement.
I always get those two agencies mixed up.
Obama:
Who cares!
Both belong to your Department of Justice,
right?
Holder:
Yeah.
Obama:
Well, I’m gonna get into a pissing contest with Jan
Brewer, the Arizona governor.
Holder:
Good idea.
You’ll win the pissing contest for sure.
After all, you have a penis, and she has a
vagina.
Obama, Hey, stupid, that’s not what I mean.
Tell your people that ICE is breaking our
agreement with the Arizona Highway Patrol, with the
Mesa and Phoenix Police Departments, and the Yavapai
and Pima County Sheriff’s Offices.
They can no longer make federal immigration
arrests.
Only ICE can.
And ICE won’t.
And set up an 800 number for people to report cops
who stop illegals.
Ha-ha, I win, Jan Brewer loses!
Holder:
What about ICE’s agreements with the other 63 law
enforcement offices in the other 23 states?
Will we take away
their
power to make federal immigration arrests, too?
Obama:
Hell, no!
I don’t want to break the law in those 23
states—only in Arizona!
I wanna see Jan Brewer
hanging and twisting in the wind—very, very
slowly.
That will teach her not to wag her finger in my
face!
Holder:
Hey, since you’re breaking the law today, I hope
you’ll break the law again on Thursday June 28.
Obama:
What’s happening then?
Holder:
That’s the day the House of Representatives is going
to find me in contempt for lying to congress.
The Republicans have the votes.
What happens when I’m found guilty?
I’ll go to jail, and I’m scared of what will
happen to me there.
Gang-rapes and starchy food.
You should be scared, too.
The House will probably impeach you on
charges of perjury and obstruction of justice, just
like it did with Bill Clinton.
Obama:
Don’t worry about that.
Even if I’m impeached, I won’t be convicted
by the Senate.
Clinton was acquitted by the Senate, and he
stayed in office.
You won’t go to jail.
I’ll make sure of that.
And I’m gonna stay in office much, much
longer than Clinton did.
Holder:
What do you mean?
Clinton was in office for 8 years.
You’ll be thrown out on November 6, election
day.
Obama:
You’ll see in just a few days.
Two other big things are happening on June
28—not just the House finding you guilty of perjury.
Holder:
What else is gonna happen?
Obama:
The Supreme Court will declare that Obamacare is
unconstitutional.
I already know it’s gonna happen.
I’ve got spies over there.
Holder:
Aren’t you worried?
Obama:
Nope.
Holder:
Why not?
Obama:
Because of the other big thing that’s gonna happen
on June 28—I’m gonna declare myself Emperor at 8
a.m. that day.
I’ll shut down the Supreme Court before it
can declares Obamacare unconstitutional at 10 a.m.
And on my birthday, August 4, I’ll crown
Michelle Empress, and she’ll crown me Emperor.
And I’ll make you my Court Jester.
To be continued.
In Dr. Donald W. Hendon's book,
365
Powerful Ways to Influence, you learn to use
121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive tactics, 24
cooperative tactics, 16 submissive tactics, and 81
dirty tricks to get what you want from other
people—plus 31 tactics to prepare you for your
interaction with them.
There are many political examples.
Learn more about his book at
www.donaldhendon.com.
And watch for his latest book, co-authored by
Jay Conrad Levinson.
Titled
Guerrilla Deal-Making, It contains the
100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways.
It’s available for pre-order now at
Amazon.com.