Obama Chickens Out of the Third Debate Tonight—A Fractured Fairy Tale…Or Is it?
by Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon
DonaldHendon.com
It’s evening of October 21, 2012. About 24 hours
before the beginning of the last debate of this
year’s presidential campaign. Obama, Valerie
Jarrett, and David Axelrod fly into Boca Raton,
Florida. They all stay at the posh Boca Beach Club,
part of the Waldorf Astoria Group. Obama has a bad
feeling about tomorrow night’s debate. He has a hard
time falling asleep. When he
does sleep, he has this dream:
The ghost of his mentor, the guy he always wishes he
had met, Saul Alinsky, appears and begins talking to
him.
Alinsky: Barry, you’ve been a good pupil. You used
all my Rules for Radicals when you were a wet-behind-the-ears
community organizer in Chicago, and you’re using
them now to take over America. I’m proud of you.
Obama: Thanks, Mr. Alinsky, sir. That means a lot,
coming from you.
But what’s that smell in the room?
Alinksy: It’s sulfur, Barry. Lucifer himself gave me
a short pass out of hell to talk to you. Remember, I
dedicated
Rules for Radicals to him. And this is his
way of repaying me. It’s good to get out of hell for
a while.
Obama: I always thought I’d end up in hell. What’s
it like there?
Alinsky: Sort of like being in the military. Gotta
follow rules. Or else!
Obama: Or else what?
Alinsky: You’ll find out pretty soon. Lucifer tells
me he’s preparing the Presidential Suite for you.
Obama: So why are you in my dream?
Alinsky: To save your Presidency. You’ll screw up
the third debate tomorrow unless I help you.
Remember these two words: October Surprise. Gotta go
now.
Obama: Well, duh, Mr. Alinsky, that’s five words.
Alinksy disappears in a puff of smoke.
When Obama wakes up the next morning, he remembers
“October Surprise. Gotta go now.” He decides to go
for a swim, so he calls the Secret Service to clear
the area for Mister Big Shot. He has stuffed himself
with Chick Fil-A the last few months, and he doesn’t
want people to see the big pot belly that’s starting
to develop. When he gets there, he sees Jarrett and
Axelrod. They’re sipping margaritas.
He jumps into the pool. He’s so out of shape, he
can’t even swim a lap. Exhausted, he gets out of the
pool and starts talking to Valerie and David.
Obama in a whining voice: Folks, I really don’t want
to debate Romney anymore. He beat the hell out of me
in the first debate. And he scared the hell out of
me in the second debate when he didn’t back down
when I tried to get in his face.
David: Yeah, I saw you pouting during the debate.
You sure lost that pissing contest. it’s a good
thing Candy Crowley made him back away, or he would
have humiliated you, big-time!
Obama: What an appropriate name, huh? Candy. How
many candy bars does she eat a day? Hope I don’t end
up looking like that. I’d better lay off the Chick
Fil-A.
Valerie: I know how much you love your politically
incorrect chicken, but it makes you sleepy. You’ve
gotta be on your toes tonight for the debate.
Obama: Surprise, folks, I won’t
have
to be on my toes. I decided I’m gonna skip the
debate tonight. Gonna come up with the “October
Surprise-Gotta Go Now” that everybody’s talking
about. Don’t wanna disappoint them. And I sure don’t
wanna disappoint my stomach. Gotta have that Chick
Fil-A, folks.
Axelrod and Jarrett were too stunned to speak, so
Obama continues.
Obama: Here’s my plan. Right after the debate
begins, I’m gonna have my Secret Service guy run
onto the stage, whisper a few words in my ear, and
then I’ll say, “Gotta go now, folks. October
surprise. National emergency.”
Valerie: What kind of national emergency?
David: It better not be that you need a Chick Fil-A
fix. Or even worse—a marijuana fix. I had to spray
you with cologne before you went onstage at the
second debate at Hofstra University last week to
hide the smell. How many joints did you have before
the debate?
Obama: Only four.
Valerie: Again, what kind of national emergency?
Obama: I’ve got three in mind. Tell me which one you
like the best.
David: This is ridiculous. You can’t chicken out of
the debate once you’re onstage!
Obama: I can do anything I want to do. I’m the
biggest celebrity in the world, not just the
president of the United States. I’ve got charisma.
I’ve got the Nobel Peace Prize. My groupies hang on
my every word. So shut up and listen to me. Here’s
the first emergency: Malia and Sasha are fighting
about who’s the prettiest, and I’ve gotta get home
and break up the fight before they break up the
furniture.
Valerie: That sucks. What’s the second emergency?
Obama: I gotta go potty.
Valerie: That sucks, too.
Obama: No, I mean I
really
have to go potty. Be right back.
Obama jumps into the pool and relieves himself. Then
he says: “Emergency number two: The White House is
burning down, and I’ve gotta go back before my Novel
Peace Prize melts away.”
David: That means somebody’s gotta start a fire at
the White House, dummy!
Obama: Gee, I didn’t think of that. Well, here’s
emergency number three: Iran just launched a missile
strike against Israel, and Israel has responded by
attacking Iran with missiles.
David: That’s pretty good. But it’s not gonna
happen. And you can’t say later on, “False alarm.”
You can’t get caught in another lie. You’ve lied to
the American people so much over the years.
Obama: That’s nothing! You should hear the lies I
tell Michelle! Anyway, I’m lying to you, too. Here’s
what the October surprise is
really going to be:
Note to readers: Can you guess what the October
Surprise is going to be? Write it down before the
debate begins tonight. See if you’re right. Oh, and
by the way, if there is no October Surprise tonight,
remember you just read a fairy tale!
Dr. Donald Wayne Hendon is a consultant, speaker, trainer, and author of 8 books, including 365 Powerful Ways to Influence and the forthcoming Guerrilla Deal-Making. Deal-Making, co-authored by Jay Conrad Levinson, is now available for pre-purchase on Amazon.com. It contains the 100 most powerful tactics from 365 Powerful Ways—along with 400 countermeasures. There are 121 aggressive tactics, 92 defensive ones, 24 cooperative ones, and 16 submissive ones to get what you want from other people. Plus 81 dirty tricks to watch out for and 31 tactics to prepare you for your interaction with them. Download Chapter 1, free of charge, at www.DonaldHendon.com. Play his free online Negotiation Poker game by going to www.DonaldHendon.com/NegotiationPoker. Apps will soon be available.