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LET'S ALL SURRENDER OUR WEAPONS -- YOU
FIRST!
By Ann Coulter
April 8, 2009
The rash of recent shooting incidents has led people who wouldn't know an AK-47
from a paintball gun to issue demands for more restrictions on guns. To be sure,
it's hard to find any factor in these shootings that could be responsible --
other than the gun.
So far, this year's public multiple shootings were committed by:
-- Richard Poplawski, 23, product of a broken family, expelled from high school
and dishonorably discharged from the Marines, who killed three policemen in
Pittsburgh.
-- Former crack addict Jiverly Wong, 41, who told co-workers "America sucks" yet
somehow was not offered a job as a speechwriter for Barack Obama. Wong blockaded
his victims in a civic center in Binghamton, N.Y., and shot as many people as he
could, before killing himself.
-- Robert Stewart, 45, a three-time divorcee and high school dropout with
"violent tendencies" -- according to one of his ex-wives -- who shot up the
nursing home in Carthage, N.C., where his newly estranged wife worked.
-- Lovelle Mixon, 26, a paroled felon, struggling to get his life back on track
by pimping, who shot four cops in Oakland, Calif. -- before eventually being
shot himself.
-- Twenty-eight-year-old Michael McLendon, child of divorce, living with his
mother and boycotting family funerals because he hated his relatives, who killed
10 of those relatives and their neighbors in Samson, Ala.
It might make more sense to outlaw men than guns. Or divorce. Or crack. Or to
prohibit felons from having guns. Except we already outlaw crack and felons
owning guns and yet still, somehow, Wong got crack and Mixon got a gun.
After being pulled over for a routine traffic violation, Lovelle Mixon did
exactly what they teach in driver's ed by immediately shooting four cops.
Mixon's supporters held a posthumous rally in his honor, claiming he shot the
cops only in "self-defense," which I take it includes the cop Mixon shot while
the officer was lying on the ground.
I guess Mixon also raped that 12-year-old girl in "self-defense." Clearly, the
pimping industry has lost a good man. I wish I'd known him. I tip my green
velvet fedora with the dollar signs all over it to him. Why do the good ones
always die young? Pimps, I mean.
Liberals tolerate rallies on behalf of cop-killers, but they prohibit
law-abiding citizens working at community centers in Binghamton, N.Y., from
being armed to defend themselves from disturbed, crack-addicted America-haters
like Jiverly Wong.
It's something in liberals' DNA: They think they can pass a law eliminating guns
and nuclear weapons, but teenagers having sex is completely beyond our control.
The demand for more gun control in response to any crime involving a gun is
exactly like Obama's response to North Korea's openly belligerent act of
launching a long-range missile this week: Obama leapt to action by calling for
worldwide nuclear disarmament.
If the SAT test were used to determine how stupid a liberal is, one question
would be: "The best defense against lawless rogues who possess _______ is for
law-abiding individuals to surrender their own _______________."
Correct answer: Guns. We would also have accepted nuclear weapons.
Obama explained that "the United States has a moral responsibility" to lead
disarmament efforts because America is "the only nuclear power to have used a
nuclear weapon."
So don't go feeling all morally superior to a country whose business model
consists of exporting heroin, nuclear bombs and counterfeit U.S. dollars, and of
importing Swedish prostitutes, you yahoo Americans with your little flag lapel
pins.
On the other hand, the Japanese haven't acted up much in the last, say, 64 years
...
Fortunately, our sailors didn't wait around for Obama to save them when Somali
pirates boarded their ship this week. Stop right now or I'll ask the U.N. to
remind the "international community" that "the U.S. is not at war with Somali
pirates."
Gun-toting Americans are clearly more self-sufficient than the sissy Europeans.
This is great news for everyone except Barney Frank, who's always secretly
wondered what it would be like to be taken by a Somali pirate.
Police -- whom I gather liberals intend to continue having guns -- and intrepid
U.N. resolution drafters can't be everywhere, all the time.
If a single civilian in that Binghamton community center had been armed, instead
of 14 dead, there might have only been one or two -- including the shooter. In
the end, the cops didn't stop Wong. His killing spree ended only when he decided
to stop, and he killed himself.
"The shooter will eventually run out of ammo" strategy may not be the best one
for stopping deranged multiple murderers.
But it's highly unlikely that any community center in the entire state would be
safe from a disturbed former crack-addict like Wong because New York's
restrictive gun laws require a citizen to prove he has a need for a gun to
obtain a concealed carry permit.
Instead of having Planned Parenthood distribute condoms in schools, they ought
to get the NRA to pass out revolvers. It would save more lives.
COPYRIGHT 2009 ANN COULTER
DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL PRESS SYNDICATE